Modestly Yours

Another Zeitgeist Moment? Abstinence on the Today Show

Yikes, another zeitgeist moment, this time on the Today Show which featured a segment about abstinence. 

Three abstinence proponents (Julie Laipply, Shanette Howard and Johan Khalilian) were interviewed by Meredith Veiera on the show yesterday morning.  The NRO blog wrote about it here, including a video of the abstinence segment on the show.  I found some background on the three abstinence speakers here.  As Kathyrn Lopez of the NRO blog wrote:

"Framed with a virginity ban and very skeptical questions, the three young (twenty something and a thirty) advocates were impressive, speaking above the conventional dismissal. A plug even got snuck in for Elayne Bennett’s successful Best Friends Program. The sole guy on the panel closed with emphasizing, this is not just about telling kids to say no to sex, it’s about giving them something compelling to be doing and aspiring to – a reason to respect themselves. It’s a message the gals in Wendy Shalit’s Girls Gone Mild have figured out. It’s a message adults should try to wrap their minds around."

 

New Book Out: Prude by Carol Platt Liebau

I bought a copy of a new book by Carol Platt Liebau, Prude - How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls (and America, Too!).  It's a review of our sex-obsessed popular culture and its effects on teenage girls.  Carol Platt Liebau is an attorney, political commentator and guest radio talk show host based near Los Angeles. A website about the book, with audio files of interviews with Liebau, can be found here.

I plan to read Prude (I love that term, so counter-cultural!) this weekend and give you a review in a few days.  Has anyone else read it yet? 

Modesty and Aesthetics - "Too Much Skin is Unflattering"

A few months back, one commenter here wondered why the people who value modesty are often religious.  Usually, but not always!  My appreciation of modesty is for aesthetic reasons as well as religious ones.  People with their exposed skin spilling out of their too-tight clothing look fairly gross to me.  It's distracting, the eye doesn't know where to land, the body gets broken up into little parts.  I prefer a sleeker covered look, to "keep my line," as it were.  Meg at All About Appearances, a blog about fashion and looking good, thinks so too:

"I’m only in my mid-20’s so I don’t consider myself 'old' by any means, but I have noticed that my tastes are changing as I mature a bit and I’m starting to understand the advice of 'the older and wiser.' I used to think that older people were prudes or just too conservative when it came to style, especially when it came to revealing clothes. Granted, I do still think that some people are just prudes, but looking around I’ve realized that showing too much skin is not sexy. It’s not even stylishly rebellious. It’s simply unflattering."

"I have nothing personal against skin - or even nudity. I have no problem with nudists (though not necessarily with nudity everywhere, I’ll admit). What I do have a problem is when women, especially younger girls, seem to think that the more skin they show, the sexier they are. I live in a college town where women seem to compete with each other on how much skin they can show. I’m not a mind reader, but it says to me that they are desperate for male attention. I’m sure not all are, but that’s the message, nonetheless. That’s also the message the guys I talk to get."

Agreed, a smooth line and covered body is far more flattering than pudgy rolls sticking out here and there!  Meg suggests that if you want to look sexy (not skanky):

"Wear clothes that are flattering - not just to reveal skin for it’s own sake. Buy clothes that fit your shape well, and they’ll show it off without you needing to bare all."

See, it's not just religious folks who appreciate modest dressing!

 

Modesty Carnival!

FYI, I came across this Modesty Carnival (collection of blog posts)  at a fashion blog called The Space Between My Peers.  Their very first carnival was Friday, July 13th.  It's largely from a Christian perspective, but there's something for everybody, I think.  The first ever Modesty Carnival (!!) includes posts about tying a head scarf, an analysis of what feminist Naomi Wolf wrote about pornography and modesty, and a personal story of a major influence for one woman, and more.

The Space Between My Peers blog offers very intriguing advice about wardrobes and flattering clothing, including the 60-30-10 rule and the Golden Mean Ratio.  The author is a frugal and generally modest dresser, there are lots of good wardrobe tips there.  Her Number One Fashion Rule:

Forget what the so-called fashion experts tell you, the focal point for every outfit should be your FACE (not any other body part or a piece of jewelry). It’s a matter of human dignity.

That fits in pretty well with Modesty Zone!

Warm Weather Brings Skimpy Clothes Back to Church

Sigh.....it's that time of year again.  When the weather warms up, the clothing at church gets skimpier.  I wrote my unhappiness with seeing bare tummies in church last year, and it seemed to touch a nerve.  Why can't the Catholic Church at least try to reclaim modesty as a virtue?  I came across a recent op-ed by Barbara Kay that exactly captured how I feel about the issue.  She wrote the op-ed in response to angry letters published in a Canadian newspaper that had printed a "cleric’s plea for sartorial modesty in church." 

"One offended reader asks, why not go all the way and make us wear burkas? That’s finally what motivated me to respond, because that very same letter-writer, if asked – no, told - to cover her head and shoulders in a mosque, or if informed she must remove her shoes before entering a Japanese temple would no doubt feel a charming frisson of pleasure in being part of such a multicultural moment. It is only her own heritage clerics that irritate, even when this humble request for proprietary is echoed in every religious culture in the world."

"I have to wonder, too, if the very same women who think nothing of appearing in church in tank tops or bared midriffs would show up similarly attired to witness in court. Of course they would not, nor would their advocates. When it is important to impress a judge, even in those liberated times, that you are a person of sobriety and good character, you wear clothing that speaks to those qualities."

"If clothing were only worn for warmth or utility, there would be no such word as fashion. Clothing is symbolic in everything we do, which is why we wear one kind of clothing at the beach and another kind to be married in. It’s a pretty simple concept. Your clothing reflects your attitude, that is to say the level of respect you are willing to accord the place and occasion you’re attending. If you wear modest clothing in court without demur, even if you think the judge is a fool and justice is arbitrary, you’re at least saying you hope for justice, and you recognize the office of judge as legitimate."

Read the whole thing and don't miss the thoughful comments too.  I especially liked this one:

"Modesty is a natural tendency to guard what is most personal and demands a delicate education.  Contrary to popular belief, modesty is not the result of social conditioning, it is not repression or taboo and we do not have to be liberated from it.  By teaching our children not to steal we are not in any way restricting their freedom or traumatizing them.  We are helping them to learn right from wrong.  In the same way a child needs to be educated in modesty."

June is National Celibacy Awareness Month (!)

Who knew? It's a yin-yang world, isn't it?  Earlier this week, model Giselle Mundchen announces that Pope Benedict is wrong and "no one is a virgin when they get married."  A few days later, I see an article at MSN that June is National Celibacy Awareness Month:

"Did you know that June is National Celibacy Awareness Month? In honor of this occasion, we asked some celibacy experts to share their ideas on how and why to celebrate your celibacy every day of the year. Besides the virtuous grounds for taking pride in your decision to wait, here are some other great reasons...."

Lakita Garth, a Modesty Zone contributor, is one of the "celibacy experts" mentioned in the article.  In a nutshell, the reasons given are that you enjoy more secure relationships, your health is better (no herpes, no crabs, no AIDS, no pregnancies!), and you have more self-determination and can make decisions without caving to cultural pressures.   The article also has some advice for celebrating celibacy.  I can't say I'm keen on the celibacy dinner, but the advice to be a role model and serve others is great.  I'm tickled and shocked that this article made it on MSN.  The tides are turning, I believe.

Any other benefits to celibacy, Readers?

High School Senior Talks About Abstinence Program

Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick recently announced that he was going to refuse $700,000 in federal funding for an abstinence program that was to be presented as part of comprehensive sex education in selected high schools in Massachusetts.   As mentioned previously, last year former Governor Mitt Romney  planned to incorporate the abstinence education in schools where young teenagers (aged 12-14) have higher rates of sexual activity (almost 60%).  Yeeks, 12-year olds!

"The Patrick administration points to the federal government's study of abstinence-education programs, released this month, which found that students in programs focusing solely on abstinence are just as likely to have sex as those not in such programs."

Maybe I'm not getting something here, but if there's no difference in sexual activity between students who take "conventional" sex ed programs and abstinence programs, why fund either one?   

A high school senior recently published an op-ed in the Boston Globe defending the abstinence program.  She is a peer educator for Healthy Futures, which developed the program.   Please read the whole thing, here are some excerpts:

"I had just finished my first year in high school when I joined the program. Although I did not fully know how I felt about being in an abstinence education training program, I decided to fill out the application because I did not want to spend another summer sitting in my house with my two younger siblings. I did not know that making this move would change the course of my life forever."

"In the first stage of the program, I learned different reasons why it was healthy to be abstinent. Though I had always known having sex was not something to be taken casually, I never had a concrete reason for why I wanted to be abstinent. Learning about the scientific and emotional reasoning behind the decision to be sexually active and the possible outcomes let me know that the goals I had set for my life were much more important to me than a moment of 'fun.' "

"Toward the end of the summer program and the next school year, we were able to learn how to share our message with others through speaking and performing at various community events and programs. Not only did I learn to speak out to those in my community, but I learned to share my views with the hardest crowd I would have to speak to -- my own friends. Although some of my friends did not agree with the choice I had made, and some of them ended up not being my friends in the end, I still had a group that was supporting me 100 percent. As I look back and evaluate everything that happened during this time, it feels like a lot of pressure has been lifted off of my life."

The student goes on to urge Governor Patrick to support the abstinence education programs.   I hope others speak up as well and convince the governor to change his mind.  Kids get all sorts of messages today to be sexually active, from TV shows, music, movies, MTV, etc. This program would seem to be a desirable counterpoint to the extreme pressures young people are under.  It gives the students solid reasons to wait.  Governor Patrick doesn't object to school programs that tell kids not to drink or smoke or take drugs.  Why the objection to tell middle school boys and girls to wait before having sex?

Michelle Malkin on "Standing Up to Girls Gone Wild Culture"

Can't tell you much about this lecture, except that it took place on Monday at Saint Louis University, a Jesuit, Catholic university in St. Louis, Mississippi:

"Michelle Malkin will speak to the SLU community at 7 p.m. Monday, April 23, (2007) in the multipurpose room of Busch Student Center. The Fox News contributor and author will discuss "Standing Up to the Girl's Gone Wild Culture." The event is free and open to the public."

"Malkin began her career in newspaper journalism more than a decade ago as an editorial writer and columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News."

Did any of our readers attend?  Can anyone report on Malkin's lecture?  Gateway Pundit has some pics, but very little info on the lecture itself. 

Modest Bathing Suits All Over the Place!

My mailbox overfloweth with clothing catalogs these days, and I'm happy to report there are modest bathing suits everywhere!  I've been unsuccessfully searching for a modest but cool bathing suit for years now, more for aesthetic reasons than modesty per se.  If I could still get away with wearing a two-piece bathing suit, I would.  After all, it's the beach!  However, those days are gone for me.  I'm looking for more fabric and more coverage. I want to be able to body-surf without worrying about losing anything.  And I don't want to wear a granny suit either.  This year, no problemo!  Here's a few examples of the really cute modest suits I've found.

 Athleta has very stylin' suits that are made for active sports, like surfing and  kayaking.  The fabrics are technical (quick-drying, durable) and the designs are  terrific, very eye-catching.  There's a great variety of tankini tops, board shorts, and swim skirts with built-in bottoms.  Even your teenaged girls  will love their styles.  Their prices are moderate, the quality is excellent (I've been very happy with Athleta's products and service.)

Orvis offers many attractive swimdresses.  I liked the shell-print bandeau.  They're pricier than the other manufacturers mentioned here at $120 and $140 a suit.  Sorry, I can't show you any photos, as they are .BMP files.

  L.L.Bean has a great selection of sarong swimusits, swim dresses, tankinis and "skirtinis."  (Beware, their website can take a while to load.)

L.L. Bean designs are more conventional than Athleta's edgy designs.  But there are some cuties here too, such as this two piece tropical print suit. Suits are pricier at $80 and $90, and more for two-piece styles.  But with  with reliable L.L. Bean quality, no doubt.

Wendy recently mentioned Christa Taylor, who offers very cool skirts.

Christa also has a swimsuit style in her collection, although it looks decidely un-swimsuit-y to me. Not crazy about the bows.  Hope her line does well, nonetheless!

Shade offers swimsuits this year too.  Their designs are unique.  They actually look a little odd to me, more like camisole tops made out of swimsuit material.  The tops are long and looser than most.  The  bottoms are conventional swimsuit bottoms, except for a 4-inch "slimmer band" which makes them high-waisted.  I'm not sold on the bottoms, but I can see pairing a Shade Newport or Huntington top with an Athleta swim skirt. Shade's website is a bit hard to use. I'd like to see one page with thumbprint pics of all the available suits.

Ok, maybe it's me, maybe I haven't been paying attention.  But I don't remember ever seeing such a variety in modest swimsuits!  I'm even seeing swimskirt bottoms in the mall stores like Macy's and Lord & Taylor's.  I'll be hitting the beach without any second thoughts this summer!  Ladies, any other recommendations for bathing suits?

Modesty in Public Discourse

I found this article on "Too Much Information" (TMI) in the Hartford (CT) Courant and wanted to share it.  Greg Morago, the writer, identifies a modern malady that stems from a lack of modesty.  He's not talking about modesty in the sense of the clothing we wear.  He's talking about an overlooked aspect of modesty, that is, showing reserve in public conversations.  It's about keeping a clear separation between what is public and what is private. That separation is fading fast in our tell-all, Oprah-fied world: 

"Marsha's having hot flashes. Stu's toenail fungus is spreading, while Jill's restless-leg syndrome is driving her nuts. Doug can't move his bowels (needs more fiber in his diet). Sally's genital herpes flare-ups are a pain. Peter keeps going and going and going (to the bathroom to pee, that is). And Bob -- poor Bob! -- has erectile dysfunction."

"TMI? It's beyond too much information. .... We live in a YouTube generation that has forgotten how to blush.... There seems to be no place safe from very public conversations about very personal issues. Things we used to consider private - marital problems, financial woes, medical conditions and personnel issues - are suddenly OK territory in a society that often seems to have lost any sense of decorum and shred of dignity."

The writer considers the usual suspects: TV and advertising. But the people he interviews point to other elements in our culture.  Richard Hanley, a pop-culture "expert" seems to be neutral about the modern propensity to provide TMI:

"It's a personal-pronoun age we live in, a hyper-narcissistic age. We turn to our bodies more frequently. We don't hide anything anymore," Hanley says. "It's not surprising that any bodily fluid that needs to be controlled will be shown for what it is and not masked by any euphemistic construction. The days of the euphemism are dead."

Yeeks, I hope not! Bring back the euphemisms!  Melissa Leonard, an etiquette and protocol consultant who's done work with Fortune 500 companies, is quit concerned with the trend:

"A less uptight society is one thing, she says, but a society that has no compass where privacy is concerned is quite another. 'We're on very dangerous ground right now. We expect to know so much information about people. We think everything's our business. You're at a dinner party, and you hear people start airing their dirty laundry....No one knows what to keep private anymore.' "

All is not lost!  Leonard offes some recommendations:

"It starts with going back to the basics. It's important to teach your child modesty. Be modest in the way you dress and what you wear. Have discretion. We need to lead by example. It's not being holier than thou. You're just trying to set the bar high for your children. This lax generation coming up needs the bar set higher."

Even Hanley thinks that the bluntly "open and honest" generation needs a correction factor:

"Hanley says that young people clearly need to understand that there are boundaries that must be respected for others and especially for themselves. 'There's a classy way to go about your life, and then there's everything else,' he says. 'There are areas that require dignity, respect and the private sphere. If you want to represent yourself in a way with dignity and decorum, you will stand out because so few do it.' "

Hanley blames the Baby Boomer generation for the permissive, anything-goes attitude that's been amplified in subsequent generations.  Well, as the AA people say, First, you have to admit you have a problem!  Morago has done a good job of identifying TMI as a problem in our culture which needs fixin'! Ladies, do you agree?