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April 29, 2012


Cady Driver


Robin Goodfellow

Just about anything is better than normalizing things like "50 Shades of Grey".


I truly hate that book, and I'm disappointed in anyone who doesn't.

* * *

I would have dearly wished to have been raised in a world like that, to be able to trust women to preserve themselves and only accept the attention of men who are required to prove their worth, equally chaste. When we know you're waiting for us, it allows us to become the men worthy of you, instead of falling prey to fear and giving up on finding you.

Deep down, everyone wishes romance and courtship could be like that of Jane Austen's time.

My question, though, is how would women allow men to pursue them and these feelings without feeling pressured, or as some kind of "trophy"?

In a crude way, that sort of is what one's [husband/wife] is... since a trophy is a tangible "thing" which is attained and presented to verify merit. But in this case, I kind'a feel having someone in your life like that was the whole point? (since it is their being in your life that perpetuates the reciprocal love)

Anywho, sorry for the rant. Just a bit down of late because as one ages, those who wait are farther and fewer between. (and after learning about that book, and it's popularity, I feel like I've just been knifed in the gut)


Erin in MD

Well, Robin, there are some of us! At least for me, it's hard to "go public" with my decision to wait because I'm involved with more than a few progressive causes. Generally no one in those circles, wonderful though each of them may be, is prepared to take my decision seriously (they respect it though - that's clear, they just don't want to discuss it). When it does come up, I'm never really asked to expand on it. Like, "Oh, really, how did you come to that decision?" Or, "how is that working out for you?" The conversation tends to veer off into awkward silence. Somehow virginity makes people uncomfortable now. Weird.

But being a progressive Catholic and yet still waiting for marriage tends to not allow people to label you, and that is frustrating. Since I am all too guilty of labeling people myself, I suppose I can empathize.

Anyway, I appreciate your thoughts up there, and I share the same concern - how do you walk the line between showing respect and...well, a somewhat more dignified form of objectification?

But you seemed down, so I thought I'd throw my two cents in! Have a lovely day!

Robin Goodfellow

Erin, your response does indeed make me feel better :)

I also have friends with progressive ideals, and it's similarly hard to relate to them. I support same-sex marriage for example, while that ideal seems opposite to the views of those who commonly wait for marriage.

They also don't seem to understand the significance of "divorcing" (pun intended) the idea of waiting and religion.

If there was a means to converse with you further, I would appreciate it. I don't wish to insult the integrity of this forum by using it to chat, so I'll say I'm on Facebook with the same name/profile pic. And if there's a ton of people with my name... I live in Ontario, Canada.

Thanks again,

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