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October 27, 2010

Comments

Emily

Wow this is such a powerful post (both the original one and Melissa's point I mean)

I'm not sure why women like to pretend we can 'do it on our own.' I think we are also afraid to be vulnerable nowadays because we are at war with our femininity and if we admit we can't do it on our own, then we are in a position of vulnerability and dependency and then what if the man is not dependable and leaves us? So sometimes, it's easier not to try. I disagree with that philosophy but I understand where it's coming from.

Julie

I really appreciate this post. I'm not yet married, nor do I have children. However, I have experience with having to grow up with my biological father being out of the picture. My real dad decided to drop out of my life in my early teens, and it really did a lot of damage. I was very blessed (and still am!) to have an amazing step-father who has always been there for me, and really helped me heal from the pain of that rejection. Having an active father figure is so important! I couldn't agree more. Great post.

Cady Driver

A strong and loving father figure in a household is priceless. My oldest daughter just turned 11 and I have seen a beautiful transformation in her in the past year. Her relationship with her father is changing from the "I'm a little girl, so play dolls with me, Dad" to "Dad, what do you think about me, about how I look, about God, about who I'm becoming....?"

Chris, my husband, took her out on a "date" the other night to eat sushi, something that makes me gag, but they both love it. My daughter just gets so tickled about going out on dates with her dad. I think that her father is going to be the solid place for her to launch her life from. He makes her feel protected and loved and she thrives with it. I've noticed that he gives her something that I cannot give her even if I wanted to.

Chris offers something different to each of our children. For our son, he offers training in self control and the remembrances of his childhood's mistakes and successes give our son something to learn from and strengthens the relationship through shared experiences.

More and more I am noticing that as our children grow older, they instinctively gravitate towards their father more and more and I am convinced that this is how it should be. That is also why it is so damaging when the father abdicates his responsibility to the family.

Children need both parents at all stages of life, but I think that there are some stages where they need one slightly more than the other. Small children and infants are infatuated with their mothers and while they also adore their daddies, it's the mother to whom they turn when they are hurt or distressed. Older children seem to gravitate towards their fathers in their pre teen and teen years. This is just my experience with my children being older. I'm definitely out of the small kid stage.

Great post, Melissa!

Koni

I am blessed to have a great father. I know that. and as a result I feel like dads who care about thier daughters (and sons)take an active role even if it is not as overt as the Spainards in thier children's romantic relationships.

I have been on 4 dates. (i'm 23). My dad and mom always ask questions about who he is and where we'll be and then after i come home I get the follow up questions..How did it go, what is like, etc.
I appreciate this even though sometimes its annoying. I feel it is a good guide to help me sort out real feelings as opposed to getting caught up in a cute guy.

I have seen what happens when children and parents don't have a role in one anothers lives and it often leads to much heartbreak.
I know i don't want that for my kids.

Kasey

I couldn't imagine raising my children without my husband and that's for my sake not theirs. He's the one that get's the first morning hug from my daughter or runs into her room when she has a nightmare. He was the one who rocked her to sleep every night when she was in severe pain from hip dysplasia. He's the one who changed the diapers in the middle of the night after I had both babies and was trying to recover. He's the one who plays the "fun" games and throws them around like only he can. I couldn't imagine my girls without their dad, and I couldn't imagine anyone purposefully doing this to a child. I understand things happen, unexpected pregnancies, and divorce but having a daddy is so important, I can't imagine ever taking a stance where you could say that they're simply not needed.

Tom Babcock

From a father's perspective, being a part of my daughter's life has been amazing. She is now in her, dare I say it, mid-30s, and lives on the opposite side of the continent, but I treasure the time I spent with her, and regret those times I might not have spent it wisely (too busy with other less important things in life). I do not comprehend how a father absents himself. Like Kasey says, "I understand things happen, unexpected pregnancies, and divorce but having a daddy is so important."

I remember the days leading up to her birth, what type of father could I be? Was I ready for it? But the moment I held her, everything changed--in an instant. I had held my nephews and neices before, but this was different. The eye contact. The vocal recognition. The comfort of a head reasing at the crook of my neck. The little fingers grasping around my finger. Holding hands with that little girl at the zoo, or going off to school and to experience the world,. Hoping she recognized she had a daddy who only wanted to protect her and to see her find her way to happiness in life.

My heart goes out to those girls who have had to find their way through life without their daddies. But I also fear for those girls who have daddies who don't have it in their hearts to faithfully tend to their daughters.

Account Deleted

Fathers are important. My mom is wonderful, and she plays a special role in my life. My dad's affirmation, though, has always touched and encouraged me in a special way. This is probably because of the innate female desire for male approval. Getting this approval and affirmation from my dad has helped to prevent me from seeking it in unhealthy ways.

ModestHeart

Hi Melissa!

My husband did the same thing before he married me. He was super disappointed that I didn't have a dad to ask, or a mom. We weren't even sure if either of my parents were coming to the wedding. But since he just had to ask SOMEone, he ended up asking this crazy lady from church who then assumed that she was walking me down the aisle and lighting the unity candle that we didn't have (I'm allergic to candles) up until the day before the wedding when I found out and finally had to let her down... Haha.

But I thought it was really cute (and admirable) that he was just dying to ask someone. ;) I really wish I could have given him that...

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