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June 22, 2010


Robin Goodfellow

This one of the reasons I don't date actresses.

At some point in their careers, they're pretty much required to kiss another guy... and I'll resent her for it.

Since some lady I've never met is underseving of such resentment, I've simply made the choice to not date actresses (or other such "performers"... it makes me understand now how acting was considered as low as prostitution once upon a time).

It's also why I'm impressed by romantic movies that don't involve any actual sexual activity.

Actually, the best "love story" I've ever seen is Pixar's "Wall-E", and highly encourage anyone who hasn't seen it to do so, to understand what I mean.


I was thinking about this the other day!

Fun fact: Tina Fey was on the cover of Esquire a few issues back. Normally, when they feature women on the covers, there's always a "sexy" photoshoot usually involving skimpy clothing and lots of men, making out, and suggestion. Fey's shoot involved references to her comedic career, and for most of the shots she was wearing eveningwear. It wasn't extremely sexual, but it was quite flattering and fun.

In an interview after shooting that cover, Fey noted that Esquire had asked her to do a "sexy" shoot and she had rejected their idea. Her reasoning was something along the lines of: I'm married. I have kids. I don't want them to open a magazine and see me in lingerie, kissing a man who isn't their father!

She's a great and successful actress, and modesty doesn't seem to have hindered her that much!


Maybe this is why women weren't allowed to be actresses in the very very olden days--no one had to worry about it then! And perhaps why women actresses were assumed to be 'loose' in the Victorian era. Not that I'm for throwing women out of the acting business, but it's an interesting thought.

The man who is arguably the biggest movie star in the world, Shahrukh Khan, does not kiss his co-stars out of respect to his wife, who asked him not to. Many of you probably know that Bollywood films, for a long time, did not show kissing--it's still not common but they've been doing it for several years now, since they want to push the envelope. I prefer the non-kissing films, myself--and either way the films can get pretty steamy without showing any kissing at all!

Melissa May

I've seen the movie "Fireproof" and found that it had a wonderful message about making marriages *fireproof* and what it means to truly be committed. I would recommend it. I believe there is a book and journal that is available as well, to complement the message of the film.

I thought it was incredibly refreshing that Kirk Cameron and his wife, as well as the movie producers and director, went to the trouble of allowing him to kiss his wife rather than someone else. My only caveat is that since the scene was shot in shadow and his wife is dressed like the other actress, so you don't know that it's his wife unless you've been informed elsewhere. The viewer can't fully appreciate the tenderness of the scene without some background information. It still looks like he's kissing the other actress. However, I most definitely appreciate the motive behind the decision and wish it would catch on in Hollywood.

I too prefer romantic films that don't involve sexual activity. But the only place to usually find them is in children's movies or old films, not that I mind. My husband and I rarely watch current movies anymore. It's just too difficult to find anything that's worth the time and money, since there's little hope for a decent return on either.


Wow! I applaud Kirk Cameron's stance on not kissing other actresses. Very refreshing.


Awesome post! I have always thought that it was wrong to kiss/do any other type of physical touch with people who are not spouses. I have promised myself(and whomever my future spouse is) that I will not kiss and try not to have very much physical contact period before my marriage. I think that having that sort of promise is practicaly impossible for actors/actresses. Which is why I hope to never marry one. I also enjoy movies with little sexual content, but modern ones are hard to come by.

Great topic to write about!


An actor was just fired because he refused to shoot a love scene with his tv wife. his first name is Neal i don't recall the last name. there is actually an old Family Matters episode about acting kisses -somethings dont change.

Melissa - the book and journal were what inspired the movie, thats why its good.


Even in the very liberal movie business, it is obvious that love scenes do effect the relationships of their stars. I can recall when Halle Berry filmed Monster's Ball, with Billy Bob Thornton, her then- husband Eric Benet said he wasn't bothered by their love scene. The movie came out at the beginning of their marriage, and they were divorced four years later.

I'll just use that case as an example since I don't want to detail scandal here. But you get the point.

There IS a feeling that you get when you kiss, or caress on film, no matter how much you want to push that arousal away. It's biological. And I think that's why people have greater interest in romantic scenes than any other part of a movie.
This is the component that the celebrity shows and movie critics talk about months before the film actually is released. There is an obsession with sexuality in Hollywood, and it doesn't seem this preoccupation will be waning off anytime soon.

There is a glimmer of hope though, with actors Kirk Cameron and Neal McDonough leading the way on the no steamy scene policy.

Lisa Nash

This is an interesting discussion, and I have some personal experience to bring to bear on the subject; first, let me say, I think it is a good thing that Kirk Cameron would stand up to the industry in that way; I am sure there are many people along the way who thought he was nuts or being too Puritanical or whatever for making the choice not to kiss anyone but his wife.

That being said, I have to say that I wouldn't feel comfortable "judging" an actor who chose otherwise, just that I think that Cameron's interpretation of marital fidelity is, as the blogger says, "kinda romantic."

When I was younger (and still now, although it affects me less), my mother mother frequently appeared on stage in musicals with a local company, and I can attest to the Definite Weirdness I experienced watching her kissing various other men who weren't my father. The first time she did this, she was in a role in which the audience actually voted on which character she would kiss -- they did a little song, and then a little kiss -- so she didn't even know which of the many actors (and even one woman playing a man) she would end up kissing at the end of the evening. It might not seem like a big deal, and to that nebulous "society in general" I am sure it is not a big deal at ALL, but to me, at eleven years old, it was strange and it made me wonder why something that would not have been okay anywhere else on the planet was just fine on the 10' x 12' stage in front of an audience. I wondered what my Dad thought, if he minded. I didn't like having to think about it. I decided that I would not kiss someone else if I were married -- that I would never take a role that required that of me -- and luckily it turned out that I am a terrible actor so there is no risk of me even being in that position ;D

Headless Unicorn Guy

I hesitate to recommend Kirk Cameron as a role model for modesty. A few months ago, Slacktivist did a profile on him in his freewheeling Left Behind snark-blog.

Cameron will only take parts in overtly Christian (TM) movies, and if there's a Heathen on the set he hides in his trailer between takes to avoid Heathen contamination. Guy sounds like he's gone beyond modesty into neurosis, and I'm saying this as a 54-year-old virgin who isn't wrapped all that tight himself.

Apparently Cameron was catechized in some sort of Holiness church which defined holiness and morality primarily in Negative terms -- Thou Shalt Nots and nothing else. This is common in strict Evangelical and Holiness congregations, and leads to neurotic isolation in a Christian fortress, hiding from all those Heathens, obsessed with keeping your nose squeeky-clean to pass God's Litmus Test and not be Left Behind. Easy to drift into an "Us Four, No More, Amen" mentality until everybody else is Of The Devil. It's no way to live; it's not even a life.

I know because I've been there; I got mixed up in a similar cultic church around 30 years ago and the scars of fear and distrust are still there.

Melissa May

Unicorn Guy,

You do make a good point. I'm an Evangelical Christian and I know exactly what you're talking about when you describe certain types of "holiness" movements. However, I would say this: It's not possible for us to always know every detail about every person we encounter. So while Mr. Cameron may be the way you describe him to be (I remember his former "Growing Pains" cast-mates saying similar things about his conversion), his choice to follow his conscience on this is still admirable. His complete expression of faith may be questionable but when it comes to the specific decision to only kiss his wife on film, it's hard to argue with him, you know?

Daniel Brasher

I'm a professional actor and my girlfriend finds it very difficult me kissing other people. However, it's part of the profession. Sometimes you are offered an excellent role that is good for you as an artist and your career - you don't turn down roles like that (unless of course you are Kirk Cameron).

When you work at something day and night for over six years you live in this entirely different world and things like this becomes natural. I was shocked the first time my girlfriend brought it up, but the more I thought about it I was like, 'hmm... yeah, you're right that would be hard for you!'

All I'm saying is I wish I was being paid mega bucks and could call the shots so that I could kiss my girlfriend everytime there was a romantic scene. Yeah... I wish I was Kirk Cameron.

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