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July 03, 2008

Comments

MissPinkKate

It seems to me that all young stars, particularly females, are hounded by the media for that "Gotcha" moment- moments that in and of themselves would be meaningless but provide great feed for the media monster. And I think part of the downfall we've seen of so many young stars comes, indirectly, from the pressure of having to deal with that (have you ever seen video of the entourage that follows, nay, stalks, some of our young starlets?) I think it is best to encourage young stars to keep as much of their personal life private as they possibly can, to provide space for them to grow and change and mature as much out of the public eye as possible.

Modest Marilyn

I didn't like the Jonas Brother's music at first, but ever since watching one of their movies, I have become a fan of theirs. One of the things that makes me like them the most is that they all wear purity rings. (Like myself)

Contrast to what the reporters think, many Jonas Brothers fans claim that the Jonas brothers had their purity rings before they even became famous. This proves that their decision is the real thing. I've read many comments from people saying that they are marketing this for publicity, but I don't agree. If they were just marketing this for publicity, then why even comment on wanting to wait out loud? It would cause controversy, and if they didn't believe in what they said, then everyone would critize them for not keeping their promise.

As a future junior in high school, I can honestly tell you that it feels really good and exciting when I find out that teen celebs believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. It lets me know that there are still people who trully believe what I believe and are brave enough to express it. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way either.

It seems to me that this could have been both a personal decision and one influenced by family, but there is nothing wrong with either.

Celebs can be role models. No, they aren't perfect, but some of them have morals that reflect mine. Like I said before, if they go public with their opinion, then it lets us teens know that our "voice" is being heard.

I do understand that if a teen star or adult star admits to wanting to wait until marriage, reporters and the media put the spotlight on them just waiting for the moment they lose it. But if they are serious, I appreciate their bravery. Ever heard of Lakita Garth, Molly Holly, or Jason Illian? These are people I respect because they speak the truth about purity until marriage. They stand up for their beliefs just like the Jonas brothers. Suddenly I don't feel so overshadowed by sex, sex, sex (did I mention sex?) in the media.

Plus, I watched a guy interview the Jonas brothers asking why they wear the rings. They said they wanted to make a difference, which (if they keep their promise) is what they will be doing.

Modest Marilyn

"Or is there a genuine sense of protection at work here?"

Also, since when was it the interest of the media to protect people? Protect them from what? By printing articles about them (which include the authors misguided opinions) and allowing hateful people to comment, discourage, and tease their decision they are only unleasing negativity to them.

I doubt all sources of media are bad, but reporters will find and expose anything they find to be a good story that people will respond to. Where were they when "protecting" Miley Cyrus from that Vanity cover?

Maybe Tony Sclafani should debate with himself whether this is a publicity stunt or them standing up for their beliefs. Did he remember that (unless you say otherwise), people assume your having sex? So as private as it was, who would believe them unless they said otherwise? Unless he is speaking of not saying anything about it until they all get married. :)

Reader

Why do we never see articles on "pop stars who use promiscuity as a career move" or "pop stars who use donations to charity as a career move" or "pop stars who adopt African children as a career move"? Why is the action only spurious when it involves chastity? I do think there is a danger of falling into self-righteousness when one makes public what is, in effect, a private virtue. However, I think an exception can be made in this case because if more people are public about the fact that they are choosing to be chaste, that will be a great encouragement to others who feel alone in their desire to pursue this goal. This strange situation does not seem to apply to any other virtue--there is no one who is made to feel ashamed or abnormal or judgmental by society for giving to charity, but there are plenty who are made to feel ashamed or abnormal or judgmental for embracing chastity. Therefore I think it is necessary that more people are more public about this virtue, even if that means risking the appearance of sounding a trumpet before oneself.

Rofigo de la Mancha

This media attention... may end up as a bad thing.

Anytime something important, like a value, is "marketed", it loses credibility. It can become a fad and lose the impetus required to become a trend instead.

And yes, the media WILL, without a doubt, be waiting for one or both of the brothers to break and betray their pledge. Giving their pledge to the public is a stupid move, because now if they change their minds they damage the will of others who look up to them for support on the issue of chastity.

Pledges are a bad idea in general. You don't need any "proclamations" to be chaste. You don't "owe" it to anyone, except yourself. I intend to get a ring myself in the near future, but mainly as a personal reminder, not a media grab.

Modest Marilyn

With all due respect,I disagree Rofigo de la Mancha,

A pledge isn't such a bad thing. A pledge is indeed signed by a person who wishes to keep a promise to themselves, amoung other things, but especially to themselves. And if someone is doing it for religious reasons, then (in their opinion) they owe it to their God. There is nothing wrong with making a promise to both yourself and others as long as that is what you want to do.

It is probably a reminder for the boys too. They didn't randomly offer up the information about them being chaste. People saw their rings and asked about it, so the boys answered truthfully.

Also, if they ended up breaking their promise, then no, it would not damage my will. I'd be sad about it, but it wouldn't kill me or my good intentions. (I'd get over it. Afterall I have had friends who did the same.) Give us more credit than that. Is this how you would feel or would you feel differently?

Liz Neville

Interesting topic, great comments, all. The Jonas Bros. were neighbors of a close friend of mine before they got famous and I tend to think, from what I know of their family and upbringing, that this is genuine. Great to hear from you, Erin!

Rofigo de la Mancha

Modest Marilyn,

Geebus, you're only just going into high school? I wonder where young women like you are, around _my_ age. *sigh* But, I digress.

I don't want the Jonas brothers to fail. I'd be rather pleased if they held out. Jessica Simpson did, so far as I recall... though given the quality of her mental capabilities, I don't exactly see her as a role model.

Public pledges are dangerous. That's all. I worry about their motivations, like Erin Palazzolo. My reasons to be chaste are personal AND non-religious. I also intend to get a ring (a simple white gold-silver tarnishes-ring with "For my Duclinea" engraved on it). If I end up in the spot light like the Jonas Brothers, it will be important to tell people that it was a personal choice, and that I wear the ring also by choice as a reminder.

Being public though, means letting others down if/when you "fail". It gives those making pledges undue pressures or the wrong attitude about it. If it's personal, what is a pledge even needed for? If it's for God, then God knows already; [he] doesn't need a certificate. If it's for your family, they're supposed to love you regardless, right?

This is why when I start my chastity support group at college this fall, one of its ideals will be that no one is required to sign or make a pledge of any kind. If they want to be chaste, they want to be chaste. They don't need to sign anything if they truly want it enough, and, if they need _support_ (not policing) from others, then that's when we'll be there for them. They shouldn't need to make a pledge to get our support because their chastity is more "genuine" than someone who didn't sign some certificate.

Sorry for the ramble. I hope that's a sufficient response.

Suffice to say that I DO want to give [you] more credit. Trust me.

Modest Marilyn

Girls like me are here on this site. We're everywhere. :) Perhaps you'll meet some of us when you start your chasity support group. (BTW, I totally support your courage and appreciation to do so.)

I understand how if people publicize their virginity, then they can cause more hardship on themselves or embarrass others if they fail. But I would rather people speaking about it then utter silence on the matter. If other people don't talk about being chaste, then how am I going to know that there are others that believe the same? How will I know that there are others who are going through what I'm going through?

Your right, you don't need to take a pledge to be chaste, but you can if you want to. I decided to be chaste a while ago, but somewhere this year I signed a virginity pledge with one of my best friends. I printed two off of the internet and glued it in this friendship journal that I shared with my best friend. We both signed the pledges together, with only the privacy of each other knowing about it.

My point is that pledges aren't always dangerous and they don't have to be public, which is what you were saying I guess. Religion wise, even though God knows all, you are supposed to talk to him and pray to him about important life decisions. I personally pray that God help me be a virgin until marriage.

The private pledge I took was me making a promise to myself. It made me feel confident and more trusting of myself. Not to mention that just as a ring can be a reminder, so can a pledge. Whenever I find myself in a tempting situation, I can think of the ring on my finger, or the pledge that I took.

When you say, "I am going to wait until marriage to have sex for the sake of myself", well in my opinion that is a pledge, even if you only say it to a friend or family member.

Also, with your support group, aren't future members going to be public with their chasity? Anyone who knows them, (including those who don't) might know that they are apart of that group and therefore know their business.

Would it be okay if someone waited until they got married to broadcast to the world that they were chaste? It would still have been a personal decision, but then you wouldn't have to worry about the failure/let down problem.

Rofigo de la Mancha

As far as the group is concerned, I may not even ask for real names. I'm going to call the group, "Innocence Anonymous", because the right to get away from the oversexualized culture doesn't need to be exclusive. So if someone asks me if so-and-so is in the group and is chaste, I could reply with an honest "I wouldn't know." ;) Though there's still the possibility of being discreet about being chaste even if a friend knows. A good friend will respect the wishes to keep things quiet if that's a concern.

I get the personal/private pledge thing. Getting a ring by your own choice is the same thing, I concur. I just don't like the idea of parents getting it for their kids (without the kids _asking_ for them first). That's just asking for trouble if you ask me. My best friend isn't the chaste type, so I can't exactly do it with another person... though it's possible to think that I am, but with my future wife.

Anyway, since talking about the group I'm interested in starting would derail this forum, with the author's permission, my e-mail is:

theignorantfew@hotmail.com

(or likewise look up Rofigo De La Mancha on facebook)

for those who wish to discuss what Innocence Anonymous is/will be.

Erin P

"But I would rather people speaking about it then utter silence on the matter. If other people don't talk about being chaste, then how am I going to know that there are others that believe the same? How will I know that there are others who are going through what I'm going through?"

Really good point, Modest Marilyn -- teenagers especially, all people though, are influenced by what their peers say, what their classmates believe is important and that voice of reason, that voice of hope can't just be coming from adults...great insights! Hope your friends join the discussion too...really thoughtful points from everyone.

Laura

I think that the reason this is a big issue is double.

On the one hand, when a celebrity is 13 it is pretty much assumed that they are chaste. Of course if they aren't there is abuse. However, when they get to a certain age in our sex obsessed culture, people become vicariously invested in their sexuality. There are a lot of people out there that find nothing more alluring than a young person's sexual experiences, to the extent that a friend of mine was offered a full ride to the college of her choice if they would let this man be their first sexual experience.
The facts that for adolescents developing sexuality, the feelings and emotions are SO INTENSE, and that sex is somewhat forbidden at this age makes it all the more exciting for people who think a lot about sex. This sells. Whether or not the celebrities market it specifically, their innocence is a commodity that people want to see, and specifically want to see them lose. So the faster they go out and have sex, the faster people will lose interest in them. So if young celebrities DONT choose to be chaste, they are putting a time limit on their popularity.

Second, celebrities who market towards kids or even young teenagers have to get past the parents. This will be a lot easier if they have values that a lot of parents are going to be happy with. The people who make these young celebrities famous know that and they don't select them unless they can keep a handle on them. Outside of self marketed pop phenomena who came up on their own or those marketed to adults that crossover to a younger market, I think it is unlikely that you would find anyone who was known for their choice to have sex or engage in risky behavior.

So basically, the Jonas brothers don't have a choice. They are in the public eye. I hope they are happy with their purity, because even if it was a sham, they couldn't change their minds without ruining their careers.

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