« Modesty is for Everyone! | Main | In Pursuit of the Perfect Pout »

February 18, 2008

Comments

Sarah m

that is super interesting--I would want to watch an episode...if I had cable :(

mandi

match making is a great idea! I live in an area with not a whole lot of adherents to my faith, so I think the dating pool would be too small here, but if i could use a yenta I sure would!

Jenny

Sounds like the best "reality show" I've ever heard of! Too bad I no longer have access to cable!

It's not common in my culture for people to use matchmakers, but in general I don't see much wrong with it. It has the potential of being more efficient than going out on your own. On the other hand, if it costs a lot, people might be pressured to stick with the first person suggested to them! :(

R.B.

I think it sounds like a brothel with very strict rules regarding sex (particularly when it comes to the women's conduct). Requiring monogamy is perfectly compatible with the whole thing being a crude cash transaction.

Also, "no gold digging"?! If you're trying to get women to marry men whose chief asset is being rich, this is pretty ridiculous. What else are the women supposed to be getting out of it? The opportunity to look ladylike, cook some spoiled rich dude's meals, and have Stanger scrutinize their personal conduct? No thank you. (I wouldn't do it even for the money, but I guess some people are desperate for the money.)

I'm glad you reminded me why I'm glad to be one of those bad girls who spent years "giving it away for free" to men I actually found attractive. Seriously, after reading about that Stanger woman I want to wash my brain out with really strong soap.

R.B.

A clip via Jezebel. Listen to what she says between the 0:57 and 0:51 marks and try to tell me it's not high-end prostitution.

Tanya

It is nice to see the "rules" being played by. Without a doubt, they are what sets a solid foundation for her clients finding happy, committed relationships. Both people are tested for honorable motives. Something all singles could apply to their search for a partner.

I find it incredible today how everyone goes on about how high divorce rates are yet is unwilling to get real at the reasons that lead to divorce. It doesn't fit into the liberation we are eager to claim.

Michelle

You can't call it prostituion because she's encouraging them not to sleep together. It isn't like a brothel at all!

Talia

Ugh!
This entire concept is wrong on so many levels..

Lori

I assume the women are millionaires too--yes?

Sam MT

I cannot believe a blog devoted to modesty is profiling Stanger positively. Just in the short clip she tells one woman to "break out the boobs," tells another to wear a tighter dress and "show the body off", categorically asserts that "silky straight" hair is the only kind acceptable to men (implicitly racist as well as superficial), says another should be wearing "low-waisted jeans, a cute little t-shirt".

The similarity to prostitution peaks when she uses one woman (dressed w/a plunging neckline) as an example of "the correct way to dress":

"She says 'Come on baby, you wanna play with me? You can touch me, you can feel me, but you gotta have this [makes gesture for 'money']'"

Immoral, immodest and absolutely repulsive. Anyone who thinks this woman is setting "a solid foundation" for "happy, committed relationships" or encouraging "honorable motives" has clearly not watched the short clip R.B. provides above. I'm sure an entire episode of the show would be even more disturbing.

Sherry

I saw this show for the first time last Saturday, found it quite interesting. She has great rules, but she also tells the girls they must have long, soft hair & they must show some cleavage on that first meeting because that's what men want to see.

I also thought that most of the millionaires weren't such great catches, & I'm not surprised they need a matchmaker to find a wife.

There was one workaholic guy who only wanted "comfort" on Sunday nights. She dropped him when he wouldn't change.

Kelly

Well, I don't agree with premarital sex or dating without taking faith into concern, but I was refreshed when I came across this show and saw that it wasn't the typical "dating reality show" a la MTV or something like that. ;o) I don't expect Patti to be faith-focused if that's not who she is, but her "rules" and the style in which she matches clients with women shows more tact, realism and old-fashioned motive than other media exploited dating methods. Still, though, I'll never get passed the lack of Biblical foundation.

But I do love me some Bravo Channel!

ChristineM

R.B, I have to agree with you about this being in the same category as high-class prostitution, at least judging by that clip. It looks like it's all about fishing men in with their sexuality, which doesn't seem like a good start for someone seeking a potential spouse.

wendy

Well, I personally like the fact that people disagree on this blog--I think that's what makes it interesting.

So, I wouldn't call this prostitution exactly but I'm somewhere between R.B. and Liz on this one.

I do find some of her comments to the women pretty appalling, to be honest. (Especially having known many Orthodox Jewish matchmakers who are motivated simply by the opportunity to help people--I feel that the human/humane element is missing here, and it's not just because of the $$) However, if she does advocate immodest dress, then in a funny way that makes her comments about no-sex more interesting.

Is her thing all about making women more "appealing" and postponing sex is part of that package?

But it is a bit odd to advocate immodest dress and then caution the women not to have a sexual relationship.

I wouldn't criticize an individual woman who believed in this combination ("false advertising") but if a person is advocating this as a path to 'catch a man' it seems a dishonest strategy. Real relationships are built on being yourself, not being pre-packaged to manipulate others.

On the other hand, I haven't seen a full segment so perhaps I'm being unfair.

Thanks to Liz for bringing up this fascinating discussion!

Mrs. Y

Some of the subtext of this show and the business she's built is barf-worthy, sure. But in a social order where people grow up without ties to extended family or religious tradition to turn to in finding a mate, I'm going to call this as a step in the right direction. I think.

Mrs. Y

Except for the Millionaire part.

Liz Neville

Hi all-- thanks for the lively discussion! I must say I'm still on the fence on this one. My initial reaction was to wrinkle my nose at the whole concept. But if we stipulate that Patti's intentions are honorable in the main (a big if, considering how staged and phony most "reality" shows generally are, but bear with me here) then I am pleased to see at least a nod to the idea of gentlemen and ladies and true love in today's hookup culture. Maybe it's grasping at straws, but there you go.

Sarah

From what I've seen of this show, modesty is not really encouraged, as others have pointed out. To me it seems like her modest rules are more just what you should say you do, but the actions of these men and women don't support the "dating commandments." And yes, these men are not catches. There is a reason why they are single.

I enjoy another dating reality show about a matchmaker in Buffalo. If you can get past the accents (!), she offers good suggestions to people and isn't being hypocritical in making rules for people and then telling them to "ho it up" (my words) ten minutes later.

PD

"I'm glad you reminded me why I'm glad to be one of those bad girls who spent years "giving it away for free" to men I actually found attractive."

Wow, that's a terrible philosophy.

John

My wife and I enjoy the show. My first wife passed away and I found myself middle-aged, successful and retired, with four grown independent children.

While my wife and I met locally and with really no assistence from anyone, I could see myself as a client of Patti's.

My wife and I met by chance at a local restaurant. She a much younger professional just well-established in her own right.

We have forged a great life partnership and started our own family.

The impressions that so many have expressed here about Patti's matchmaking services tend to betray a calloused eye.

Quality people are abundant but often find the initial steps to new relationships an emotionally trying time-consuming activity.

A matchmaker can offer a great deal of hand holding and easy common sense guidence
through the dating minefield.

If I had not been so fortunate to have met my wife on our own, I see nothing wrong with the services offered by Ms. Sanger. Don't judge until you've seen what she does.

Nichol

I have learned a lot from watching the show. My mother never taught me a thing worth knowing about men or relationships. The girlfriends I hung out with were just as clueless. I wish I had known someone like Patti when I was dating. I like that she is direct and speaks the truth (as she sees it). The proof is in the pudding and her business seems to be a growing success.

Freddie the Frog

Patti Sanger is a pimp --- and looks like a man.

The women who sign up to her service to meet millionaires are gold diggers and whores. However, having no morals is socially acceptable nowadays so they don't feel the shame that they should.

The comments to this entry are closed.