A Touching Moment of Modesty

I consider my cousin to be the most beautiful woman I know. Everything about her twenty-one-year-old figure, skin, lips, eyes, cheek bones--you name it, is sculpted to perfection.  Not only is she perfectly gorgeous, but more importantly, she is a kind, self confident, and happy person.

In short, I love and admire her very much.  That is why I was extremely excited when she decided to extend her trip to Israel and come stay with me for a few days.  During this time, we shared many special conversations. One of these conversations sticks out of my mind more than any other. 

As a modern Orthodox Jewish institution, my school requires that all of the women who attend my school or walk around the campus wear modest clothing with a high neckline and skirts that fall below the knee.  Since she was staying in my dorm, my cousin was asked to follow the same dress code.

It happened as we were walking down a flight of stairs towards the train station. She suddenly said, "I love skirts! I feel so much more free in them than pants!  I feel so much less self conscious!  It's so much easier to concentrate when you aren't worrying about how everyone is judging your body in your clothing." 

Hearing this from my cousin was surprising, because she rarely wears this style of clothing.  I just thought she never payed attention to the constant stares she got.

For me, this experience really encompassed the essence of what makes modesty the real path towards female empowerment.

Comments

[Meg from All About Appearances]

I just bought a denim skirt because the uniform for a few things I'm doing in school is "polo shirt and jeans" (or denim skirt, I discovered after asking).

I don't have a problem with pants from a moral perspective, but I realized that I just hate wearing them. They make me feel very self-conscious about my thighs, while I always feel that I look nicer in skirts. Plus, I find skirts way more comfortable, and I find that dressing up lifts my spirits in general.

[eMILY]

I have rub-together thighs so skirts are uncomfortable for me.

[Meg from All About Appearances]

eMILY,

Have you tried wearing something like bike shorts underneath or, even better, slip shorts? Also, a bit of baby powder can help if you find yourself stuck wearing a skirt and don't have something to wear underneath.

[Emily]

Thanks for the suggestion Meg :o) Really, I don't feel sufficiently self-conscious in, nor that it's immodest, to wear pants vs skirts so I wouldn't really go to the trouble. I have tried slip-shorts but they ride up and bunch at the tops of my thighs! If I go out to a formal event and wear a dress or skirt I would always have panty-hose on and that stops the rub-together. I don't like to wear panty-hose on a hot day though. On an everyday basis, I can safely say I'd be far more self-conscious and uncomfortable in a skirt. While I'm happy that the young woman in this anecdote found the wearing of a knee-length skirt to be liberating, I can only think that it would cause me irritation and distraction. I ride my bike to work too so there would be potential for indecency!
In a knee-length skirt such as described above, I'd be worried everyone was looking at my calves, LOL. When I was a schoolgirl in uniform I always used to obsess over them. I certainly agree with the statement "It's so much easier to concentrate when you aren't worrying about how everyone is judging your body in your clothing" and I guess that's more the point. I can only think that I'd have a hard time of it if I followed Orthodox Judaism :o)

[Laura]

I like skirts...but it's so cold here right now that I couldn't wear them everyday!

[Blakeney]

I have to confess I don't understand the "women should wear skirts" concept.

I believe people (both men and women) should dress modestly, and that it is perfectly possible to do so and be stylish if you want to follow fashion trends.

But I think you can be modest in your dress without resorting to Victorian standards. I don't think you have to wear a long, below-the-knee skirt to be modest (though if you wear a skirt, it should be long enought to be modest). I love wearing pants and capris and wouldn't trade them for anything.

It seems like sometimes it goes beyond dressing modestly, and becomes more like "cover yourself up". Why is it wrong to wear pants? Or show one's hair in public? Since when has any man felt that he needed to "cover up"?

Again, I don't believe in wearing revealing clothing; I just don't believe that we should have to overly conceal ourselves, either.

[Katie Gillet]

Skirts/dresses are more about distinguishing male from female than being covered. Of course one is covered in modest pants. But in our culture (I understand it's not true the world over) the unmistakably feminine type of attire is the skirt. After all, how are restrooms marked?

[Meg from All About Appearances]

You're welcome, Emily!

I don't find pants immodest, either, just less comfortable for me. But I can see how it can be the reverse for others. And I can definitely see how it would be a hassle while bike riding! Actually, I have seen some women around here bike riding in skirts, and it wasn't a pretty sight (though quite a view, to be sure). When I do go bike riding, I wear pants.

[Hannah George (ranchgirl)]

Sometimes I wonder why I wasn't born 200 years ago! I would LOVE to wear skirts (or better yet dresses)every day. I love to make the clothes I wear, but I live on a ranch and I am unable to wear these things most of the time... it just isn't practical. I mean, when was the last time any of you went horseback riding.

Don't mistake me! I am a huge advocate of femininity, and I love everything beautiful and elegent. I do, however, understand the point of some of the people made above. For some lifestyles, skirts and dresses just aren't practical.

BUT! Even in my life, I see women turning perfectly modest western attire into horribly immodest clothing. Namely: Hip hugger jeans, too tight (short, or low) shirts, or even modest shirts unbuttoned too low. On our employment package on the website we have had to be enourmously specific in regard to clothing. In popular culture it can be hard to find modest clothing, especially modest western clothing, but I have managed very well(high rise and looser jeans, larger and longer shirts).

Yet another advocate for modesty in an unlikley place,

Hannah G.

[Lauren]

I agree with the comment made by Hannah.
I am a modern orthodox Jewish woman and I wear pants, skirts, dresses, long sleeves, 3/4 sleeves, and short sleeves. (excluding pjs and the gym) I don't wear tank tops, don't wear shirts that are tight or have a neckline that's lower than ~1-2" below my collarbone, tight or low-rise jeans, or leggings out. Why? Because I'm not comfortable in them; I feel naked. It's not a matter of body image, it's about how I feel. And I don't think that my body needs to be seen by everyone else.
Even when I [think I']m dressing modestly, I get shocked at how people look at me sometimes! One night I was wearing a plain black long sleeve shirt, jeans, and construction boots (!), I put on makeup, put contact lenses in, and had my hair down. I went to see if one of my friends (who had seen me for the past week and a half in cargo pants, a t-shirt, hair pulled back and no makeup in class) was ready. He opened the door and his jaw dropped (my first time seeing that actually happen) and he went, "Wow."
It just amazes me still-- if that is the reaction I get in fairly modest clothing, what would have been his reaction had I been wearing a low-cut shirt or tight jeans or a miniskirt? As flattering as the reaction was, it made me feel a little uncomfortable-- I'm the same person I was when I was in class in cargos and a t-shirt.

[anat]

My oldest daughter just backpacked for four months in Australia, she did not compromise on modest dress and managed to do a lot great stuff, the funniest story she told was that she and her girlfriend went to cool off on a beach , fully dressed of course and boys tried to pick them up , seemingly oblivious to all the bikini clad ladies on the beach.

[Dvora]

I've been mostly wearing skirts for years now. It started when I was in college and the Jewish guys could be identified by their kippot and I felt that my skirt did that for me. At this point, I am most comfortable wearing skirts. When I decided to start riding my bike regularly - to work, on errands, etc. - I experimented with different combinations of skirts and pants. The goal was to stay comfortably covered and not wear anything that would get stuck in the spokes. Two favorite combination is knee-length black stretch denim or jersey skirt with black ankle-length leggings underneath. Works well. The helmet over either scarf, hat, or (yes, you guessed it) wig wraps things up pretty nicely. I'd love to hear how other women tackle this challenge.

[Zilyah]

Having worked with a bunch of young guys, I learned a lot about what really is modest and immodest in women's attire. One of the many things I learned, was that a woman wearing a skirt (even a floor-length, loose skirt) is a lot more sexy and enticing to them than a woman wearing slacks or jeans. Why? Because the skirt leaves enough to the imagination to fire these guys up, so that they can fantasize about what's under that skirt... I've done experiments in wearing knee-length skirts vs. knee-length shorts and always got a lot less unwanted male attention wearing slacks or shorts than skirts. I've also seen the gross oogling guys give girls wearing long, loose, modest skirts compared to wearing slacks or jeans (and they're not looking at her face or overall body, only at one part of her body, which is well-covered by the skirt).

So, in my opinion, it's often more modest to wear modest-fitting slacks or jeans than any kind of skirts when around normal guys.

As for what is more feminine, consider that women were wearing pants over 1500 years ago, more than 1000 years before men ever did... Really, femininity has to do with the cut of the fabric rather than skirts vs. slacks or shorts. A properly cut trouser or jean made for a woman is feminine in and of itself.