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June 08, 2007

Comments

Emily

Perhaps Gisele should stop hanging out with only Hollywood types! I have three friends who've been married in the past year, and all three of them...AND their husbands...were virgins right up until their wedding nights. Oh, and then there's me...and my brother...and my sister... That's six right there. :-)

Lori

The reference to the look-at-me culture reminds me of the book I bought last night: Emily Post's "Etiquette" from 1940. She observed that ladies and gentlemen do not try to attract attention. Why not? I can think of two reasons. First, consider what they would have to do to grab attention: make themselves ridiculous or sexual for strangers. (See the photo in the article. Does the word "ladies" spring to mind?) Second, the article makes the point that this is about "pleasing other people." While ladies and gentlemen do please other people, they do so without sacrificing their dignity.

dangermom

I love that last line in the CNN article: "Women," she says, "might be better off developing other sources of power."

Understatement of the year.

(Also, I know a lot of people who waited until marriage. Maybe we should start mailing Gisele our photos, in a sort of letter campaign...)

Jen

Lori, those are very interesting thoughts you've had about the Emily Post book. I tend to agree with you. Really, there's very little modesty about drawing attention to oneself, and it is often an attempt to draw the attention of others away from those to whom they *should* be paying attention to.

As far as virgins, *waves hand*. That was me, 'till our wedding night. I know several friends who are virgins also.

How funny. Some people really do live in a bubble! lol

Christian

Virgin (unmarried--26 yrs and counting). Many friends who have made the same commitment. Perhaps Gisele needs to make some new friends and open her mind a bit.

Mary O'Hayes

Hmmm, who would I look towards for advice on living a meaningful life, Pope Benedict or Giselle Bundchen?

Giselle is girlfriend of Tom Brady, New England Patriots quarterback, who recently impregnated actress Brigid Moynahan. Yuckk. (When that news came out, my estimation for Brady went way down.) Who would want a man (even Tom Brady) who's fathered someone else's baby? Giselle, you'll be vying for Tom's attention and time with his ex-girlfriend and baby. Not a great place to be.

Not everybody is a virgin when they're married, but a great many are. And those men and women don't have to deal with their spouses being parents of someone else's child.

Craig

First, Gisele’s comments are absurd prima facie. They betray arrogance and ignorance--a most unattractive combination.

Second, I too am a virgin and plan to be one till I marry. I suggest (as others before me) that Gisele venture beyond her current circle(s). The Pope speaks for / to more than she imagines.

I do find her anger interesting, though. I wonder: Did Benedict’s comment touch a nerve?

Still, I fear Gisele’s opinions are shared by many these days. Indeed, they seem to be expressions of a dominant ethos. Therefore, even though we might want to, we cannot ignore them.

wendy

"Hmmm, who would I look towards for advice on living a meaningful life, Pope Benedict or Giselle Bundchen?"

Mary O., you always manage to crack me up.

Lori, I enjoy your insights even more than Emily Post's!

I do agree with Craig that anger may have something to do with it. Given that her boyfriend is about to have a child with another woman, there may be some insecurity there concerning her role in all this. (Will he go back to his long-time ex? Or on to yet another supermodel?)

Lashing out at the traditional family/ traditional mores may help Gisele justify her situation in her own mind.

JamieCarin

Wow, Giselle truly does live a "sheltered" life! Too bad we can't all e mail her. Count my husband and me amongst the virgins on our wedding night!

Anna S

I know so many people, from teenagers to thirty-somethings, who have made the commitment to remain chaste until marriage. But I guess Giselle just doesn't hang out with them :)

Anonymous

Well thank you commenters, you give me hope that it's actually possible to last until one's wedding night. Every bit of hope I can get helps!

Oh and no thank you to Gisele for making me feel even more like an isolated freak than I already do. (The VAST majority of people I know have attempted to stay virgins until their weddings and failed miserably.)

23, unmarried. Sharing an apartment with my boyfriend for a year now (there are reasons) We are both still very much virgins, and both plan to stay that way.

Catherine Rose

My husband and I entered the state of holy matrimony as virgins last October; our virginity lasted for all of a few hours after that. :) And, it was the most incredible gift we could have given each other. I deliberately chose chastity when I was 16-years old and heard an "abstinence talk." It worked and is still working among numerous attractive and socially healthy young people. How sad for Gisele, that she doesn't have more hope in her own value.

Sara

Forewarning: This comment is loaded with lots of info and possibly confusing questions. Furthermore, please be aware that some of my comments and questions are sexually explicit.

I think most can agree that remaining a virgin in today's society is difficult to say the least. Yes, as proven in other posts this goal is obtainable, however, I am hoping that perhaps some advice could be offered as to how we all refrain from what our body's and general society tell us is "normal and acceptable."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past two years and we are trying very hard to find ways to show our deepening love for one another that does not include having sex.

Question: What phyisical and nonphysical ways can couples display their intimate feelings for one another. (Please be as realistic and specific as possible. Sidenote: Matt and I pray, attend Mass together regularly, challenge each other's faith and spirituality, etc. Basically, I don't want to read "Just continue to pray and trust that God will give you strength.")

Furthermore, the two of us are very open with each other and we know when he is or I am "turned on" or having a difficult time with physical temptations. In the past/present we have some times chosen to share our love for one another through mutual masturbation. (Our clothes remain on and our hands cannot "freely roam.") While a more detailed explanation can be offered as to how and why we came to this point I would like to add that unfortunately through his experience in a male dorm (on a Catholic Campus nonetheless) he was exposed to pornography and found himself using porn and masturabation as a way to relieve stress. Overall, at times we preferred to try and steer our physical attractions and love towards one another through mutual masturbation, as oppose to the selfish kind of love found in pornography and masturabation that Matt can be tempted with at times. Does that make sense? Basically,

1. When we both are "turned on" how should/can I handle this situation while respecting him, myself, and our love for one another.

2. What is the general consensus on mutual masturbation?

3. Has anyone directly or indirectly been affected by the consequences of porn personally or in a relationship?

Wow, this post is not quite what I had in mind when I began typing. Hopefully, as mature adults we can discuss some of the issues that stem from my questions or situation. I would understand if you are confused, need some informational gaps filled in, or have other comments/questions to raise. I welcome all (negative and positive) input, but please remain respectful towards myself and those using this site.

I look forward to reading your input, and thank you to all the singles and couples out there who continue to prove to society that love does and can wait.

Carey

I found this blog after reading Wendy Shalit's entry on npr.org. I first clicked on it because I consider myself to be a modest woman, and was interested in reading about a "modesty movement."

At 31, I am not a virgin. I lost my virginity when I was 17 years-old, a time and situation that I still feel was appropriate, and I have no regrets about that. I have had a long-term relationship where my boyfriend and I agreed that we did not want to have sex with each other. I do regret that decision. He was a wonderful man, the only one I believe I have ever been in love with, and when we finally did have intercourse (at the end of our 3-year relationship), it was not in the best of circumstances.

It's ironic that now that I finally feel comfortable with my sexuality, and free to make the decision to have sex with someone, I have now been celibate for 3 1/2 years. I just haven't met anyone that I like that much. I don't take sex lightly, and I don't want to be physical with someone I don't connect with.
I agree that many people in society are too liberal regarding sex, however I think that overwhelmingly most young girls and women still criticize "easy" girls and steer away from associating with "sluts." Instead of bashing "mainstream society" and pushing virginity, why can't we encourage women to respect themselves and make their own well-informed decisions about sex. There is middle ground between Slutsville and Virgin Village.

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