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March 05, 2007

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Meri

I guess the answer to that would be to talk with prostitutes in places where their profession is legal; Nevada here in the states and Amsterdam in the Netherlands, for example. Even still, I can't begin to imagine the trauma of having to turn off one's emotions every time you meet with a client. I used to know a woman who was recovering from years working as a high class call girl. Though she had a great deal of security in her job, because of the kind of men she "dated," she walked away with lots of psychological trauma.

Anita Lauer

Didn't we already know that Pretty Woman was a fairy tale? And I couldn't finish "The Happy Hooker" in the book version because it was so full of boasts about clothing and jewelry. We all know that those things don't make you happy.

I say yes, prostitution is damaging. Human beings were not meant to be sold and these bodies of ours are sacred, not to be used as rental property. I would like to see an end to prostitution, but I realize that as long as there is poverty, there will be prostitution. I am for policies that reduce harm decriminalize prostitution. Legalization is unrealistic and doesn't do a whole lot of good. For example: The Nevada brothels take half of the money in every transaction and on top of that, they charge the women for room, board, and every other little thing. Then the government gets in on the pimping by taxing their earnings and charging them licensing fees.

Emily

Yes, Meri, this is something that would be quantifiable- you could get a fairly matched cohort because it is legal in some states/countries.

L.B.

I imagine that it's not only the threat of being arrested at "work," but also the threat of being robbed, injured, or otherwise treated badly by clients.

Over on Livejournal there is a community for stories about bad customers--and prostitutes do post horror stories there, just as cashiers and waitresses do. Like in any service profession, the majority, the very ordinary customers, blur together, and the very good and very bad ones stand out.

Traumatic things happen at work in all professions, sadly. The trouble is that at the intersection of sex, money, power, and loneliness, even more terrible things can happen to prostitutes. I'm not sure that working illegally and with the threat of disease helps matters.

Kim

I think you are all missing the seemingly obvious point that prostitution, as infered by the name is not a job. It is an inherently unequal,unnatural and exploitative interaction between buyer and seller which like the interaction between master and slave can only work to the benefit of one party and results in the total dehumanization of the other.

Anita Lauer

I didn't miss it. After all, I did say that human beings were not meant to be sold and that our bodies are sacred and not to be treated as rental property.

Still, as the sex worker rights activists have been know to say, we should outlaw poverty, not prostitution, because if women were not poor, they would not allow themselves to be prostituted.

Emily

Yeah I didn't miss it either. I'd have to be pretty obtuse not to get it, I mean this is the modesty blog after all. And you'll get no argument from me that prostitution is a social ill. I actually think it's detrimental to BOTH the prostitutes and their customers, and obviously to society at large.

However, it is true that not all prostitutes see that their work is to their detriment. Among sex-worker advocates and sex-workers themselves you will find accounts of them saying they are happy in the work. And NOT all women who are prostitutes have NO other prospects. I have heard stats that in countries where is is legal, 96% of prostitution is in brothels- most of which are in suburban areas (well, that's where the customers are too). The women working in brothels report higher levels of job satisfaction. What they find satisfying, or preferable to other kinds of work, we would likely find abhorrent. But if they don't feel like it is to them... they're gonna be like, thanks for your concern, but I'm fine!

Rivkasmom

The end to prostitution is not ending poverty, it's ending men's belief that women are a commodity to be used and abandonded. When men become socialized to value women as human beings, then the thought of buying them and using them will become unthinkable.

Until then, poverty, class, opportunity, legalization, etc. will make no difference either way.

mary o'hayes

Well, it is often referred to as "the world's oldest profession," so maybe there will never be a way to end prostitution. Some men want sex a lot and are willing to pay for it. Some women and some gay men are willing to provide sex for money. I don't agree with legalizing it, because it's not a desirable activity for society for a multitude of reasons. But- like poverty - it's not going away anytime soon. No matter how many anti-poverty programs we enact, or how much male brainwashing goes on.

Wasn't there a study several years ago showing a huge amount of abuse and incest in sex workers?

Eve

Yes, studies have shown that the vast majority of prostitutes were sexually abused as children.

Maybe prostitution should stay illegal, but only the "clients" should be punished. That is a kind of utopian solution, but I think I may be happy with it.

Emily

I like your utopian solution Eve.

spudmomof6

The original posting did not distinguish between post-traumatic stress sufferers who turn to prostitution and prostitutes who suffer 'work related' traumatic stress. Imagine, however, the sterotypical runaway who leaves home because of an abusive (any kind) situation, gets taken in by a 'sweet' guy who turns out to be a pimp, who is eventually asked to turn tricks 'because you love me' and is beaten and raped when she refuses, then ends up doing drugs to stop feeling the pain of what has happened to her. Sure, some women just want fast money, but I am betting that there is a lot of self-destructive behavior going on as a result of some trauma. I would agree that punishing the john would help to reduce demand, but I wonder why anyone nowadays pays for sex when it seems that everyone is putting out for dinner and a movie. Makes me feel like I am on another planet sometimes with my long marriage and large, generally functional, family.

Eve

Thanks. To further my uptopian argument--why should a prostitute be punished? The work they are doing is a kind of self-punishment.

Regarding sex-worker advocates saying that many sex workers are happy with their work: It's a complicated psychological dynamic. People sexually abused as children often feel that they can gain control of their abuse by becoming prostitutes, models for the pornography industry, or by becoming promiscuous. These behvaviors bolster the abuse survivor, making them feel powerful.

Kim

What I meant was that in using the word work or job to describe prostitution the prostitute seems to be trying to normalize or legitimize her/his actions, an act that most of society would consider degrading or abhorrent and that continuing to use the term work or job in describing prostitution only helps to downplay its effects.

I also like your solution Eve. If the vast majority of prostitutes have been sexually abused then maybe they need counselling and not punishment.

Penelope

Anita wrote "Human beings were not meant to be sold and these bodies of ours are sacred, not to be used as rental property."

Nice, except ... what about coal miners, fry cooks, longshoreman, and dozens of other types of people who use their bodies -- in damaging ways -- in their jobs? A few people are lucky enough to have creative, fulfilling jobs, but virtually everyone else's job require them to sell parts of themselves.

Fortunately, I have good marketable skills, but if I had the option of hooking for an hour a night (for $100), or spending eight hours a day standing over a McDonald's deep-fryer for $7 an hour, I'd choose the former.

***In the first world,*** prostitutes are in it for the money, and generally find "regular jobs" to be MUCH more exploitative. Flip through an issue of $pread magazine to see what I mean.

wendy

Penelope, you do always bring a different perspective to our discussions!

I'll concede that, from afar and as a theoretical, your point might make sense, but I've personally known women who were call girls, and they would tell you that being a fry cook is in fact quite different from being a prostitute. True, being a fry cook is physically difficult but it doesn't threaten your psyche and heart. It's nowhere near as damaging. You're not forced to share intimate body parts with someone who is likely a total jerk. It's one thing to have to serve a jerk a burger, but to have to sleep with him is obviously a different order altogether. One woman I know was sexually abused by her father as a little girl, eventually ran away to get away from him, and because she never developed a sense of self-worth, fell into prostitution as a minor child. Yes, in this country.

True, it's the world's oldest profession, but let's not idealize it. There's clearly a difference between exploiting your physical assets and exploiting your soul.

Eve

I don't think that prostitution is the world's oldest profession! Where did that cliche comes from anyway?! The world's oldest professions are probably tilling the ground or shepherding or mothering children...

Ranee Mueller

Spudmom, I don't think people are even having to pay for dinner and a movie anymore. To me, that shows that the market for prostitution comes from depravity and a complete lack of care/regard/interest in the other. It is m*sturb*tion with another body. And people pay a lot for it.

R.B.

It disturbs me how so much "sex work" is pretty much equivalent to sex slavery. In terms of having enforceable rights, prostitutes and strippers now are about where millworkers were in the early 1800s. I do think that things would get better if sex workers were able to unionize. It would also help a lot if they could safely press legal action against people who assualted/raped/hurt them.

There are sex workers who aren't slaves, too. A few of my friends are dommes, which seems like a completely different and less rotten kettle of fish from prostitution or stripping. This woman is involved in prostitution, porn, and stripping, and is not traumatized. (WARNING: Link is sweary, graphic, and not work safe, but worth reading. Don't read it if you're under 18 or have heart problems.)

I don't know whether johns and pimps should be punished for being involved in prostitution, but there is just no reason to punish prostitutes, whether they're victims or not.

admin

R.B., we had to remove the link because we have some very young readers, but older readers who are interested please put "R.B.'s link" in the subject header and I'll send you the link.

Anita Lauer

what about coal miners, fry cooks, longshoreman, and dozens of other types of people who use their bodies -- in damaging ways -- in their jobs?

I've worked fast food, waited tables, worked with dangerous chemicals, and yes, I have performed sex work. Give me the chemicals.

usedsaves

Prostitution is horrible, but nevertheless a form of honest manual labor.

If you earn a living, then you must not be a slave.

What does society accomplish by sending them in and out of jail on occasion?

BTW, most but not all male prostitutes are gay.

Phil Pacheco

I have a gay friend who does massages and often has to perform sex acts because he is desperate for money to live. The trauma to him is that he has shutoff his feelings. It is too painful his psyche and degrading to his self esteem to remember what he has done. How can he deal with this until he can find another job? How can he heal from this trauma? I really want to help this good person and friend, but I don't know where to find info. or what to do.

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