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February 12, 2007

Comments

EPC

Could you post the Top 10 Reasons? They might be nice to pass on.

mary o'hayes

Top 10 Reasons to Wait Until Marriage?
What are they? That deserves a blog post by itself!

Emily

I'm glad people seem to feel comfortable enough on a college campus to start such a group! I cannot imagine such a thing starting up back in MY college days, at least not without a lot of ridicule :(

I had a look at the site, and it's also nice that it doesn't seem to push the religious angle too much. There are many people for whom a theologically-based argument for modesty is never going to resonate (I'd be one of those people) but there is huge amounts of scientifically quantifiable, sociologically relevent evidence. I'd be interested as to whether anybody without a religious background would join up. It does seem that people with a religious bent to the modesty angle are (perhaps unsurprisingly) more comfortable proselytizing on the subject than the non-religious. It would be nice to have a place on-campus where one could be assured of support for one's choice but not get bible-bashed.

Anita Lauer

I found the "reasons." Here they are:

10. The best things come to those who wait

9. It takes the pressure off dating

8. Sex should follow love, not lust. Marriage is a vow of eternal love

7.If you love your body then you won't let just anyone experience it

6.Life is stressful enough without having to worry about AIDS, pregnancy and STDs

5.Sex is not just a recreation, it is a responsibility, and you have to be prepared to deal with it.

4.It's the best gift you can give your spouse on your wedding night

3.Having sex too soon or with the wrong person is something you may live to regret, if you wait until you reach maturity, you'll be grateful you did

2.It's a good way to weed out the losers who only want to get you in bed

1.Waiting until marriage shows that you respect yourself and gives others a good reason to respect you!

I think that it's more like 7 or 8 reasons and I would note that they left out "obeying God". I think that waiting has more to do with obedience and trust.

If your fiance could be trusted to obey God and withhold gratifying himself with you, the one that they are committing to for life, then it is likely that they will also obey God and refrain from cheating on you.

I also totally hate reason number 4. I hate the idea that sex is something you can give away or sell. We women are no longer considered to be chattel and human sexuality is not a commodity.

But where is there anything about women here? They say spouse don't they?

"4.It's the best gift you can give your spouse on your wedding night"

Elin

Anita, I think the reason that they left out "obeying God", however important a reason that may be for many people, is to make this list accessible to people like Emily, above.

But I'm with you on #4. I've always disliked the concept of one's virginity as a commodity. However, there are some people who definitely feel that it was something they could "give" to their spouse - I guess that's in there for them. It makes me feel queasy though.

I also would take issue with #9. It does NOT take the pressure off dating. Because from my experience, it makes you have to have an uncomfortable "talk" with your romantic partner very early on, about how you are not going to have sex, and even if the person agrees to this up front, they may spend the rest of the relationship trying to undermine that or see just how far you are willing to go, or if you'll change your mind once the relationship becomes more serious. Or they just think you are a prude and drop you like a hot potato. I agree, this is good in the sense of weeding out the jerks, viz. #2, but I wouldn't say it "takes the pressure off". Unless you get someone who really shares those underlying values and isn't just going along to get along (and that can be hard to tell in the first heady days), it makes dating (at least as I recall it) rather fraught. I always envied those people who did have sex for this reason alone - they didn't have to go through this particular hoop.

Probably I was just dating the wrong people. But it still was a concern for me at a vulnerable stage in my life, and I'm sure it is for others. I hope that the more people are into things like the Anscombe Society and TLR, the less those who choose not to have sex in their dating relationships will feel like freaks.

Meghan Grizzle

Actually, these aren't the top 10 reasons that were passed out at Harvard. I talked to the True Love Revolution presidents and they said they're revising the list a bit. I'll let you know when they come up with a new version!

Christian

To Elin and the others who have posted on disliking the concept of one's virginity as a commodity: Why? How is being a virgin NOT a commodity? It seems to me more than merely a symbolic "gift" that you can give, as it is a very specific and concrete description of a state of being that carries specific favorable emotional and physical implications. My virginity is something I value as it is something that has taken effort to preserve, and thus I value it greatly in another person as an indication of what they were likewise willing to sacrifice for me. How does this make you feel queasy?

Emily

The word commodity just makes me think of... corn. Or crude oil. A trade good.

Paul Clutterbuck

Just because I see virginity as part of the gift of sexuality in its wholeness that one should keep for one's husband or wife doesn't mean that I see virginity as a commodity. A commodity is something that you sell for money, whereas virginity should be kept as a gift. Diamonds may be commodities to those who mine them, but surely a diamond necklace isn't a commodity to the guy who gives it or the girl who receives it?

Technical virginity is meaningless as a gift if it's accompanied by a filthy mind. It's really just part of the bigger picture of sexual innocence. It's our pure hearts and innocent minds that we preserve for our husband or wife, not the intactness of our bodies. The reason I don't like couples using heavy petting or foreplay in the premarital context is that it's defiling to the heart and mind. Conversely, if a girl's body is not intact for some reason that doesn't involve sexual activity, that doesn't matter as long as her innocence remains.

Anyone can wait until they marry the person they love but nothing is safe.

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