Wish I Didn't Have to Write This

Sorry to do this to you, guys and gals, but you need to know.

Remember the 29-year-old virgin whose family determined it was time for her to lose her virginity? So she turned to Jane to find a man to deflower her before her 30th birthday? There was some vagueness as to who in her family was putting this pressure on her.

Well, no longer.

The latest candidates are voted upon by readers, and also by Sarah's father.  That's right: "Sarah's Dad's pick" reads the caption next to different candidates' pictures.

I have just one word: gross.

Actually, I lied.  I have a few more.  The over-40 set is often skeptical when I tell them how many letters I receive from girls upset over their parents pressuring them to lose their virginity. 

I think it's safe to say that the issue is now settled.

It's happening not just privately but publicly, and it's just so wrong.

How many of these parents pride themselves for being tolerant individuals, I wonder? 

Comments

[Lucie]

I'm almost speechless. Almost, but not quite. I can't even imagine my father behaving in such a way. He would have been sickened and angered by the mere idea. So would my mother and my brother, for that matter, and I'm not saying that any of us are paragons of perfection because of it.

It seems that these people regard sex as nothing more than a physical act.

I can't help wondering how "Sarah" will feel once the act is completed. Somehow I doubt it will be the stuff of which dreams are made - no love, no commitment, just insert Slot A into Slot B so we can get it over with and call ourselves a real adult. It's not only sickening, it's terribly sad.

[Christine the Soccer Mom]

This is quite possibly one of the most disgusting things I've heard of. It's not as bad as the father who pimped off his step-daughter while his 16 year old daughter made home movies of the gang-rapes, but it's really not all that different, is it? I mean, she's an adult, but still...it's really gross.

What in God's name is WRONG with these people?

[WendyR.]

This is just awful. I couldn't bear knowing my father thought so little of me. I can't see how he could possibly think what he's doing is loving or in the best interest of his daughter.
Sex is just a commodity that can be sold. I feel sad for "Sarah"; that she feels so abnormal that she has to have sex to be normal and that she would do it so publicly. My guess would be she's going to feel pretty awful once its over. I hope she finds a decent guy who respects her, but what are the chances when she respects herself so little?

[Anonymous]

During my college years (the late Seventies), my stepmother pressured me to get laid. I think she thought it would make me "normal".

The heaviest pressure came in the early Eighties (my mid-twenties), when for about a year and a half I actually had a girlfriend (who claimed to also be saving herself for marriage).

[Samantha Stevens]

Parents royally suck these days.

[Dean]

I wouldn't be surprised if this is a ruse.

My guess is that "Sarah" lost her virginity a long time ago and this whole charade is just a ploy to draw attention to the magazine. How do we know the man presented as her father isn't just a complete stranger?

[wendy]

Would be nice if it weren't true, wouldn't it? Alas, truth seems to be stranger than fiction.

[Layla]

I think it's dehumanizing to place so much emphasis on the "first time" and portray virginity as a problem. Sexaul experience does not solve your problems or make you a different person. It's not going to make you an adult or make life less complicated. The fact that "Sarah" thinks it's appropriate to ask a magazine to sell her body makes me think that she needs self-esteem and boundaries with her father more than she needs a one night stand.

Crazy me, I was under the impression that sexual experience is private and not an appropriate subject for large family gatherings. If my dad had picked a man out of a lineup and told me to "go get 'em" I think I would have been inclined to call child protection services and move far, far away. I think my mom and other family members would also have had some very harsh words for the offending father. What's with these fathers that seem to think it's okay to participate in and/or market their daughter's sexuality? (I'm thinking about Joe Simpson here and his public comments regarding his daughters', uh, endowments.) It makes me sad that "Sarah's" family supports her exploitation.

[Kori]

That is one of the saddest most horrifying stories I've read in a long time. There is something seriously wrong with a father who preasures his daughter to lose her virginity and even goes so far as to PICK SOMEONE OUT! Honestly, if that was my father, I'd move far far away.
I may be old fashioned (okay, okay, I'm old fashioned) but I believe that men should PROTECT women, especially those in their own family, from horrors like this.

[Mrs. U]

How pathetically sad! Parents are to be the protectors until their daughter married- the father, especially, should be her protector. And now this? Is this real? Parents are truly trying to get their daughters to lose their virginity while unmarried? What SICK parent would push that on their child?

What HAS this world come to???

His,
Mrs. U

[Lisa]

I noticed that Jane magazine said that ugly girls are flat-chested? Well, I never had trouble finding a date since I was 17, yes, I am flat (A, almost B). I thought at one time I would get implants when they were popular but my sister talked me out of it. I dated all throughout my 20's-a decade of experience. I weeded out the bad guys after telling them my faith and values. It was a learning experience to me to know that there are guys who aren't interested in a nice "rack." , and Jane magazine obviously doesn't know much about men.

[Christian]

Oh my goodness...is this what it has finally come to? Doesn't anybody miss the days where people didn't even talk about sex, much less publish articles on how to get it.

[Cait]

I can believe it. My dad flat out told me to "go enjoy yourself and sleep around a bit" after I broke off my (extremely ill-advised) engagement when I was 20. Granted, I was in the military just like he was, but it didn't mean I was promiscuous! Talk about shocking. Also, when I was engaged (to my now husband) he told us to "go upstairs and procreate". I think it's just a different lifestyle... My dad DID hit his twenties in the 1970s.