Ick! It's a Public Deflowering

Hat tip to Laurie for telling me about Jane's plans to "help" a 29-year-old woman lose her virginity before her 30th birthday.

Hmmm.  Of course the optimist in me is hoping that we can have little talk with Sarah, and who knows?  She might yet change her mind. Where there is life, there's hope.  So ladies, I want to know, what would you say to her?

I'll kick it off with four obvious questions:

1.) Sarah, you've waited so long already--why not wait for marriage? No seriously, the only men who would value a 29-year-old virgin are precisely the men you are excluding as suitors, by undertaking this kind of "project."  Thus, while you may imagine that this is a good way to meet more guys--and I can see why you might think that--really you are putting yourself in the ugly situation of attracting only the type of man who views you as a pathology.  Not a very romantic situation if you ask me. Perhaps I am wrong but I doubt a nice guy would step up to the plate (so to speak).

2.) What happens if you don't  meet anyone you really love (or even like) by the appointed date?  Are you going to sleep with someone anyway, just to "get it over with?"

3.) If the answer to the previous question is no, then why set a date at all?

4.) If the answer is yes, are you really going to trust a magazine that says you "have a nice rack"? Isn't the implication of this that virgins are usually unattractive, which is kind of demeaning? Why would you want to buy into that philosophy?

Just asking.

Good luck in making your decision--and remember, you still have a choice!  You can end the whole charade now and there are many people who will admire you for it.

And who knows? Perhaps someday you can laugh about it with your future husband.

Comments

[Sarah]

My questions for Sarah:

1) What exactly will you gain from giving away your virginity? Will you gain self esteem by giving away your body to just anyone? Or just hurt yourself more than you realize?

2) Why is it so "bad" to be "good"?

3) Let's say you follow through with your "project". What will you say about it to your future husband? To your daughters? Or will you shrug it off as "doing what needed to be done"?

[madhousewife]

This makes me nuts. Don't these people ever listen to themselves talk?

[christine]

Say it ain't so!

[christine]

Sarah just posted this clarification, I have to wonder now if she reads this blog.

JUST TO CLARIFY

Hi guys! I just wanted to clear up a few things. I am not saying that I am determined to sleep with a guy by midnight on my 30th. Not at all! But I'd be lying if I said there isn't a little bit of a fairy tale hope here--that I'll meet a great guy in a most unexpected way. And I get that most of these guys won't be the one or even the one for right now but BUT what if, a really sweet guy who I would never meet randomly in a bar is told by a friend that we might be a match and he, in turn, does something he would never do and submits himself to go on a date with a stranger--possibly across the country--just on the chance it might be worthwhile. It's a fun story if nothing else and that right there is worth all the 'what ifs,' 'probably nots,' and 'are you crazys.' So, keep the comments coming and ask questions; they're fun to read!

[Lucie]

If that's really Sarah doing the "clarification," she's living in a fantasy world, not a fairy tale.

[Lori]

I've never seen what the big deal is about turning 30. You're a day older than you were when you were 29.

I took a vacation to Florida for my 30th birthday. A friend and I rode bikes, went to the beach, and had a wonderful dinner. I'll turn 40 in a few years and I have plans to go to Hawaii with a few friends for the occasion.

One final thing: any experience is a function of the people involved and their relationship to each other.

[wendy]

Hi Lori, yes I checked the site and that clarification is from Sarah.

I think the "fairy tale' line is, in a way, encouraging. It sounds like she's looking for someone to spend her life with, and is using the "LOSE MY VIRGINITY" idea as a big sign to get men's attention.

Problem is, as my husband pointed out, men will definitely read the big sign--"HELP 29-year-old LOSE VIRGINITY"--but not really register any of the fine print about the fairy tale.

So if fairy tale is her goal, seems kind of counterproductive in terms of attracting the sort of man she's really looking for.

[Carrie]

I'm not sure when I've been more appalled. I'll admit to living under a rock, but this is revolting!

[Cassandra DeBenedetto]

Sarah admits in her blog her fairy tale hope of meeting a really nice guy through this "public deflowering" project. Some of you have already commented that if what she wants is a nice guy who is interested in HER, her current project is certainly counterproductive. I agree with this, and would add the following. Let's look beyond the immediate situation at hand. Let's look ahead to when she does find “the one,” the one she would like to spend a life with, the one she would like to make a family with.

Is it fair to her future husband and future children to put herself out like this? I read a statistic this summer, while I was working at the Heritage Foundation under Patrick Fagan, that having just one sexual partner other than one’s spouse decreases one’s chances of having a stable marriage from 80% to about 54%

While the dating field might look rather bleak now, Sarah’s chances of having a stable, happy marriage when she does find the one are really, really good. Few people have such odds in their favor. She should hold on to that…not only for her own good, but for the good of her future husband and children.

What are all people ultimately looking for in relationships and in sex? They are looking for happiness, a sense of connecting with another human being. Well, if she wants true happiness and a true and lasting connection with another man, she should wait for when that man, her future husband, comes along.

[sincerity]

Errrmmm... It's been well over a year since the last post... What happenned? What was the outcome?

Did she do it?

Did she not?

Did she find her Prince Charming?

etc, etc...

Those "Jane" links are dead... Any where else I could find out about this?

Thanks for all your help.

Sincerity