A Dress Fit for a Bride

I was updating Wendy on my wedding plans and have great news: I found my wedding dress! That and my bridesmaids' dresses at the first boutique my mother, sister, and I went to and in two hours. It's true...crazy but true. Without divulging too many details (being superstitious and all), I found a beautiful gown that fit my description of modest gown for a May wedding. And NO, it's not the dress you see at the end of this post!

I could hardly believe this was a wedding dress at all (by Elizabeth B) -- for pete's sake, it's see-through!

Modern-day bridal shopping is not what it used to be...so here's my advice: 1) White all the way! What happened to white/ivory/egg shell bridal gowns? All kinds of color accents are seeping into sashes, saturating the gowns themselves...blues, reds, some black even. Anyone know how this trend got started? Do wedding dresses represent purity anymore?

2) I predict (let us hope) a come-back in sleeves and thick straps. In the meantime, I couldn't find a single dress with sleeves at the boutique. I found myself in a sea of strapless dresses...help! And that was the one thing I refused to wear.

3) Don't feel pressured into a dress you don't want by the salesperson. For that matter, feel comfortable taking your time and discretion trying on gowns. I felt disoriented, vulnerable, and hurried at first and didn't like it one bit. Things settled down but build rapport with the person who's helping you - get to know their name, smile, tell them what you're looking for. That way you don't feel like a piece of meat on what's supposed to be such a joyous occasion.

Oh, and here's a couple websites I was surprised to find searching under "modest" and "wedding dresses": >www.totallymodest.com and www.beautifullymodest.com.

Most are a little too conservative for my taste and I'd sweat through them...but nice nonetheless.

What's your advice and take on the make & meaning of wedding dresses?

Comments

[Sarah]

White dresses originally did not represent purity -- it was the most expensive color rich people could afford because it was so hard to fine pure, white fabrics back then. I believe the purity statement was tacked on much later.

[EPC]

Congratulations on your wedding and your dress! I'm really glad you found what you were looking for.

I thought that you might find it interesting to know that Queen Victoria was the first to wear a white wedding dress. I'm not sure why she did, but it became fashionable among the upper class during the Victorian Era.

Part of the reason it was so popular was that white was a color only worn by unmarried woman and it was impractical (easily stained). A white wedding dress was a way of showing off how much money a family had. They could afford a dress that could only be worn once without being re-dyed and altered.

Before the Victorian Era, women simply got married in their best dress. This meant that wedding dresses came in a variety of colors and were probably chosen based on what was most flattering to the bride.

Of course in other cultures, different colors are traditional. In China, red symbolizes good luck and prosperity and was used in wedding dresses. In many Asian cultures white was connected with ghosts/spirits and worn for mourning.

I understand completely why most women choose to wear white on their wedding day, after all how often do you get to wear a white gown. However, like most of the wedding ceremony it's a tradition that has come to mean something different now than when it began.

[Alexandra Foley]

That wedding dress looks more like what I wore on my wedding NIGHT!

Another option is having a dress made. Thanks to the internet you can buy very inexpensive material that is beautiful from places like Thailand and then have a local seamstress make it. Vogue pattern books have some beautiful dress patterns --just go to your local fabric store and take a look.

And finally, I have seen some like-minded brides who didn't want to be showing their shoulders during their wedding wear a shoulder-covering mantilla instead of the usually veil.

It always interest me that while women no longer cover their heads for church, when it comes to a wedding nearly ALL brides continue to wear the veil.

[Lori]

The tradition of a white wedding gown started when Queen Victoria wore one, if I remember right. Before that, women just wore their best dresses on their wedding day.

Miss Manners says that white signifies inexperience (in marriage--what did you think?).

[Lucie]

Erin, first let me congratulate you on your upcoming wedding. And that's amazing that you found your dress and your bridesmaid dresses so quickly. Sounds like it was a fairly painless operation!

On the dress pictured in your post - all I can say is, holy cow. Does a bride really want the minds of all her guests (at least the male ones) focused on sex rather than the meaning of the ceremony?

As for color accents on wedding dresses, I find them intriguing, although I'd personally draw the line at black. I don't think they compromise the concept of purity. In fact, they might even have special meaning for some brides - for example, perhaps the accent is her favorite color, or the groom's favorite, or if she is of Irish heritage, she could add an emerald green trim to her dress as a tip of the hat to her ancestry. All kinds of interesting interpretations are possible.

[Christine the Soccer Mom]

A white dress, no matter what the history, now does not mean purity. I love my sister, but she had a 7 year old daughter when she got married and wore white. (I also found the plethora of tattoos on the women intereting...but that's a different topic.) White is just what you wear because it's the wedding color. Incidentally, I didn't deserve my white dress, either. (But since I didn't have a child at the time, it wasn't as obvious.)

I hope that more modest styles do come back, though both of my daughters are hoping they can wear my dress (which would be nice sentimentally and would save money). You can see it in my anniversary post, here.

[madhousewife]

Actually, I always fancied the idea of getting married in red. Don't Chinese brides get married in red? I forget. But I'm not Chinese. I would only be doing it to be audacious. Probably because I'm not usually audacious. I don't enjoy being the center of attention, but as long as I'm going to be, may as well cause a scandal.

This is a moot point, of course, because I'm already married, and I never did find a red wedding dress. I did end up wearing a simple white dress for the wedding but I wore a lovely floral print for the reception. I'm a simple girl who likes color.

I've never particularly liked the idea of the bride's dress symbolizing purity, like it's more important for the bride to be "pure" than for the groom. Most grooms don't feel compelled to wear white tuxedos. I don't like white tuxedos, anyway.

Most are a little too conservative for my taste and I'd sweat through them...but nice nonetheless

I got married outside in Houston, TX. in May... although we had a nice breeze it was still *quite* warm out.

My mother INSISTED that I wear a cotton slip under my dress... I thought she was crazy... now I would strongly reccomend a cotton slip under the dress to absorb the sweat... it made a world of difference!!!

I also agree with point #3, I tried nearly every bridal salon I could think of and 9 times out of 10 it was the sales lady that made me NOT want to shop there any longer. The 10th time I really liked the sales lady & she was super helpful and understood what I wanted so I kept going back.

[Erin P]

Great stories and good points about weddings in non-western cultures! I'm still having trouble with the color-accents thing on white dresses...anyone else feeling it? And if so, why? I think while it can look beautiful, it does something to transform maybe the connotations of innocence/chastity that come with wearing a white gown. Kind of like the way marriage needs to be "modernized", "updated" or something...

[Katie Gillet]

I *did* manage to find a dress with sleeves, only three years ago (found it almost a year before I got married). The sleeves were sheer- fabric known as "illusion" but it was a wonderful dress- I wish I had pictures online to share to show you.

[spudmomof6]

My daughter's favorite: Maggie Sottero's Grace Kelly dress. Just the right combination of elegance and coverage for our family. You can check it out at bestbridalprices.com

[Kindli]

When I went shopping for my wedding dress (about 6 months ago now) I looked at the color accents dresses. Some of them looked very nice, they wern't quite what I was looking for. I also realized I wouldn't be able to pick a color and then stick with coordinating it through out (like all the pretty pictures in the brochures they load you down with), and I didn't want to be stuck buying all my bridal stuff from the one store that offered that exact color. I got married in a very lovely white tea-length gown, why white? Honestly, because of the location and the lighting it looked a LOT better on me than the cream did, and in retrospect, I think color would've been a distraction.

[Elin]

Erin, congrats on finding your dress! I ended up with the fourth dress I tried on, at the first salon I visited (I visited some others, but found nothing I liked as well). Painless! The bridesmaids' dresses, on the other hand... different story! Glad to hear you found those too! And you are absolutely right about salesladies. One saleslady tried to talk me out of having a train on my dress because it was a morning wedding. (You have to know that the church was ENORMOUS -so a train really worked) I gently reminded her that Princess Diana got married in the morning and HER dress had a train 25 ft. long! (mine was MUCH shorter!)

Not sure about colour accents on dresses but probably just a fashion fad. Still, coloured wedding dresses are not just for non-Western cultures. My Mennonite grandmother got married (in 1921) in navy blue - at the time, white and bright colours were considered by her church to be ostentatious (as someone has remarked, pure white was both expensive and impractical). I think some of the more conservative Mennonite churches still practice this tradition, although not the church my grandmother belonged to. It all depends on your tradition.

[ChristineMarie]

Blue is actually the color of purity that is to be worn at weddings, since it's the color associated with the Virgin Mary and modesty back in ancient Israel; this is how "something blue" got added to the famous, "something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue"
A lot of virgin brides chose to wear blue garters under the gowns for this reason

[Elin]

I always thought blue was for fidelity - although fidelity implies that the marriage relationship is kept pure, that is, free from outsiders. But I can see how it could be associated with virginity as well.

What I understood when I got married was that the veil was the signifier of virginity, more so than the white dress. After all, (at least from a Christian standpoint) the saints in the Book of Revelation wear white and they are not sinless, just forgiven! (Rev. 7:9-14) The church as the Bride of Christ is anything but virgin, but by her salvation and sanctification is presented "without spot or wrinkle" (Ephesians 5:25-28, Rev. 19:7-8) I'm not crazy about the term "born-again virgin", but that's the sort of situation that could warrant wearing white without being a virgin per se, at least in my view.

The veil, on the other hand, suggests that this is a woman who has never been fully seen ("known")by a man.

[melissa]

I got married in Spokane, WA, and had so much trouble finding a wedding dress that was both (1)modest and (2)plus sized. I was close to giving up. But, then I found a shop that was owned by a dress designer, who has contracted with companies to manufacter her dresses. I walked into the store and other plus sized beauty was getting her final fitting done. I loved being able to see the dress on a living model (just by coincidence). Once I saw it on her, I knew it was the one for me. And, she didn't charge more for plus sized gowns.

About the bridesmaids' dresses- I had my three sisters play the part. That presented another problem because I had to find a dress that would look as good on a ten-year-old as it did on an eighteen-year-old. I ended up using a flowing gown with an empress-style waist and short sleeves. My sisters loved them, and the dresses made them feel like princesses even though it wasn't "their day" yet.

[Benita Bylicki]

I am a 49 year old woman who follows the Mennonite faith. There was no way that I was going to wear a strapless dress for my upcomming wedding, I found a place on line and purchased my dress from them and liked it so much i bought a online bridal shop. My purpose is not to advertise my online bridal shop but to let other woman who want modest dresses that it is possible to find them although not always without a loooong search!!!

[Scott]

This, of course, only makes me want that dress this much more.