Well, my big ride is less than two weeks away! I and forty-four of my friends leave on June 3 from Austin, Texas, to Anchorage, Alaska, on Trek road bicycles: 4,500 miles across this gorgeous continent. Woo hoo! From the road I will be able to correspond, as we will have laptops with us and, pending our locations, net access. I'll try to keep up with Modesty Zone, and you can keep up with me (and my teammates) on texas4000.org. We blog as we ride (though obviously not AS we ride, haha).
I really appreciate y'all's comments on my last entry. I've figured out where my 'line' is, and I've found it truly to be a subjective matter. One's choice is her OWN; there isn't a universal. A couple weeks ago I discussed the issue with my pastor and my best Austin friend Shelley, and here's the best advice I've heard regarding physical relationships, an insightful word from Reverend Bill: Assume that the person you're with right now is NOT the person you will end up marrying. Assume that the person you WILL end up marrying is somewhere 'out there', in his own romantic relationship. What are you comfortable with knowing your future husband is doing with another woman? Take your answer and apply it to your own behavior. So your sexual activities relate not only to the respect you have for yourself but also to that which you have for your spouse-to-be. Pretty perfect way to look at it.
The man I'm seeing right now - who may or may not ever read this; he is aware of my Modestly Yours site writings, after all - so far embodies the general characteristics I desire/require in a partner: he's compassionate, selfless, intelligent, modest, athletic, secure and confident, thoughtful and kind, family-oriented, handsome, responsible, easygoing, funny, attentive, a hard worker, religious, honest, trustworthy, adventurous... the list goes on, of course. (Call me smitten.) And there is one trait - rather, choice he's made - that makes him all the more attractive in my eyes: abstinence.
It's really early - maybe too early to guarantee anything based purely on this one 'specimen' I mention above, but... girls: There are GOOD, FINE, SINGLE MEN still walking around the streets of our cities who exhibit all of the aforementioned qualities, who treat women the way they deserve to be, who are worth WAITING FOR. Resist the temptation to give over a most precious jewel of yours out of frustration or impatience. Wait for a prince. Can I get an AMEN? :-)
Lily, I've got your "amen" and then some!
Just the other day I was speaking with a friend of mine who was talking seriously about entering a convent, due to a large extent, by a feeling of hopelessness with men. I had to assure of the very same thing you're reminding us of. Thank you for YOUR courage to wait for a man who meets your standards.
Posted by: anon | May 24, 2006 at 08:02 AM
AMEN!
I heard a very similar statement to the one made by your pastor on a video series that went over some of the things Joshua Harris says in his "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" series in reference to 'physical contact' in courtships.
It's a very true statement.
Posted by: CountryGoalie | May 24, 2006 at 09:36 AM
Lily, you can indeed get an "Amen"! I hope that this man is indeed all you want. Blessings to you in this relationship, however it may turn out.
Posted by: Lucie | May 24, 2006 at 11:02 AM
Lily, I just checked out your journal entries over there and noticed that you broke an ankle or something a little over a month ago?! OK, I know I'm going to sound like your mother, but I hope you won't push yourself too hard. You've already done so much work in raising money for others; don't forget to take care of yourself, too...
Good luck & keep us posted!
xoxo,
Wendy
p.s. This gentleman sounds like a keeper. If your bike has a large basket, maybe you could take him with you. :-)
Posted by: wendy | May 24, 2006 at 12:00 PM
Assume that the person you're with right now is NOT the person you will end up marrying. Assume that the person you WILL end up marrying is somewhere 'out there', in his own romantic relationship. What are you comfortable with knowing your future husband is doing with another woman? Take your answer and apply it to your own behavior. So your sexual activities relate not only to the respect you have for yourself but also to that which you have for your spouse-to-be. Pretty perfect way to look at it.
very true, very well put, I whole heartedly agree.
Posted by: Kindli | May 25, 2006 at 02:33 PM
You make a perfectly reasonable point:
"Assume that the person you're with right now is NOT the person you will end up marrying. Assume that the person you WILL end up marrying is somewhere 'out there', in his own romantic relationship. What are you comfortable with knowing your future husband is doing with another woman? Take your answer and apply it to your own behavior."
But what if ... what if I just don't care if any potential partner of mine has sex with people other than me? What if his or her previous activities are not a source of judgment or dislike in contemplating seeing him or her?
You cannot make a relativist subjective statement and then create an absolute conclusion out of it. Telling all women to wait, to
"Resist the temptation to give over a most precious jewel of yours out of frustration or impatience. Wait for a prince. Can I get an AMEN? :-)"
only works for those women who want it, yet you're preaching all all women who might happen across this blog.
*shrug*
Posted by: kasey | May 28, 2006 at 10:35 PM
never got how people always preach their "not caring" to others, but get offended when others articulate their caring.
Posted by: shrugging back | May 29, 2006 at 08:59 AM
Response to kasey:
I do not mean to make a blanket statement. Simply, if you are comfortable with your future lifelong partner being sexually active with one or multiple partner(s) before she/he is with you, then that's fine. It's measured by each woman's (or man's) level of comfort. And when I "preach" to "resist the temptation..." I hardly intend it to be directed at ALL women. Please do not consider it an "absolute conclusion". It's a suggestion, based on my personal experience. Every entry I have posted or in the future post is not meant to judge or PREACH. I'm not an ordained minister or a licensed counselor. My findings are merely based on my own life's adventures.
Posted by: Lily | May 31, 2006 at 01:18 AM
From Texas to Alaska?
oh yeah~
what a long journey!
so cool
i wanna
hello Lily,i'm a Chinese boy
i wanna make friend with u--
cool girl
Posted by: Seven | June 27, 2006 at 02:48 PM