David Warren on Modesty

I came across this wonderful essay by David Warren on modesty.  I wish that I too were an essayist, but that is not so.  My best contribution to the cause appears to be as a diligent pointer to other people's writings.  So please go off and read Warren's recent essay, he covers a lot of ground in only nine paragrahs.  Some excerpts:

"Am I perhaps a little odd in finding modestly-dressed women attractive? It is hard to tell how odd, for men seldom discuss such things among ourselves. In moments, I’ve suspected this is our best-kept secret -- that we don’t actually like women to be dressed or to behave as tarts. (Not just the clothing, but the vocabulary and demeanour.) Still, few of us would say this aloud, especially in a public forum. For it cannot possibly be “politically correct." A woman is deemed attractive if she can command drooling. A man is assumed to be Pavlov’s dog....

He discusses the Wife of Bath from Chaucers' Canterbury Tales, who he describes as a literary proto-feminist; he compares Hollywood icons of the 40' and 50's to today's; and he is scornful of what feminism has wrought after fifty years.  In conclusion, Warren notes:

"I am not arguing for dress codes, incidentally -- any contemporary wild Catholic schoolgirl knows how to deal with those. Fashions in clothing come and go, and all may be adapted. I am arguing instead for the thing itself -- for modesty, and the restoration of the “lady”. Of a woman with sovereignty in her own sphere. Of a woman reclaiming the title of self-possession, assured of her own worth and the legitimacy of her claims. Begin with your daughters the moment they are born, and some day we may have families again."

I don't agree with everything here.  For starters, feminism was responsible for opening up many opportunities previously barred to women, especially in the professional realms.  But I admire his feistiness and fearlessness, and his unapologetic call for a return to modesty, in all senses of the word.

Comments

[R.B.]

Ugh. I've trying to keep my language restrained and polite, since the bloggers are so modest, but this guy really strains my patience. How can you admire a man who mocks "suffragettes", and can't be bothered to acquire a basic understanding of the history of feminism? His whole argument for modesty seems to be "I'm attracted to modest women". Why on earth should I want such a backwards creep to be attracted to me? Honestly, if I stood any chance of meeting this sorry excuse for a man, I'd go out in Daisy Dukes and a tube top just to ward him off.

When it comes to a choice between power (e.g., the political power to vote, or the personal power to be treated as an equal by your husband), and a pat on the head from a condescending man, why are we so eager for the pat on the head?

[Annie]

Okay, R.B. said what I was thinking which is that I do not exist to be sexually attractive to men, by dressing modestly or otherwise.

[anon]

Mary, Thanks for posting that essay. I had read it before and was thinking of posting it but had a feeling that people would not really understand they writer's point of view. I didn't love the way he phrased some of the things but I don't think it is fair to call him a backwards creep for saying he likes women who dressed modestly. Maybe the author was not intending to make the end-all be-all arguement for modesty but was just noting a little known fact, it seems, that men (some men anyway) really find modesty to be attractive.

And maybe it is a healthy thing to contemplate whether the "achievements" of feminism have really gotten us that far.

[Melissa]

Actually, it is a little comforting to know that men can appreciate beauty in modesty. I think you ladies are taking your reactions to one extreme, and just for contrast, I'll take mine to another. I am 19 years old and single. I wear skirts, and dress very modestly. Even guys in my church don't seem to appreciate the fact that I'm trying to help them out here. They seem to think that I'm kinda weird. Now to hear a man say that modesty, lady-likeness, and decency is actually attractive is a totally different spin than I usually get. It is refreshing to know that I don't have to be unattractive (not necessarily sexually, just generally) just because of my decision to be modest and ladylike. Sorry to be controversial, but that's where I'm at right now.

[Mary O'Hayes]

I'm with Melissa. I found it refreshing and not at all creepy or arrogant that the guy says he finds modestly dressed women attractive. He's not alone, although he's probably in a minority. What's so dreadfully wrong with noticing attractiveness in other people? It's a very human thing to do, and we're all doing it whether consciously or unconsciously.

Maybe Annie doesn't dress to be attractive to guys, but lots of young women do. I think some women would be surprised and perhaps relieved to know that not all men like skimpy clothing on women.

[Vivian]

I cannot condemn this man for his comments because I do not have the entire text. I found this blog when I Goggled his name to seek replacement buttons for a David Warren, NY suit. I assume that this is the same designer being discussed. (Yes, I realize that finding these buttons may be impossible.) Nevertheless, I am all for femininity, modesty and civility. Many of the women in my community are boisterous, vulgar speaking, Daisy Dukes dress icons, abusive, and poorly educated (culturally, academically, etc.) females. I believe that I benefited from good home training, a college education and success in the world of work. I retired with full benefits before 60 y.o. and stay busy with community activism. I get many compliments when I wear my David Warren burnt orange suit with the box pleated skirt. (I worked so hard that I lost a few buttons.) The suit was a gift from my sister. I liked it but, did not realize how eye catching and feminine it would come across. David Warren N.Y. clothing, from my viewpoint, shows the beauty of a woman without making her look like a hoochie mama. I think that he is complimenting women and telling them to go forward with confidence and self-respect.