They say that all good things must come to an end. Didn’t know that meant relationships as well.
We dated for four months. Granted, not a long time, but long enough to decide the quality of character I was dealing with. That is what it all comes down to … isn’t it?
Quality of character?
Genuine kindness and good heartedness?
Compatibility of life goals and perspectives?
Basis on which to build a strong friendship?
And of course... let’s not forget chemistry.
I guess so, and I guess not. I had decided I wanted to marry him, he decided he wasn’t ready to marry.
Minor detail, really.
You might say ‘4 months is not a long time, give the guy a break, he’ll come around.' But I think that’s something that should be figured out BEFORE you enter a relationship. There are 2 people involved in a relationship and if both are not on the same track, where are they going?
I never understood what people intended to gain from casual dating. Is the hurt at the end of it all, worth it? Is the temporary relief from solitude worth the emotional investment and ultimately greater sense of emptiness? Why share the memories and a part of your past with someone that has no part in you future?
I date for marriage. Wasn’t that the ultimate objective for everyone at one point? Generally, I feel I have a pretty emotionally and intellectually honest approach to it. I am looking to get married to the right person, whenever he decides to show up. (Of course, I’d beat him up for taking too long until then) But in the meantime, I am content with my state of being. I was single, but I had so much to do with my life, I looked at it as an opportunity to develop myself until I got married. And then I would develop together with my husband (May he hurry it up!)
Four months ago, I was happy being single. Sure, my parents were already figuring out what color they were going to paint their new game room…. As soon as they could just vacate it from its present inhabitant… ME! ... Who said anything about pressure?
But I was content.
And then I met him.
I was not looking for him at all. He just showed up… it wasn’t at all as casual as I am making it sound, it was a set –up, but I wasn’t expecting it to develop into what it did, or didn’t. I didn’t expect to get so emotionally, mentally, spiritually involved with someone, or find someone that I thought had everything I was ever looking for, and to develop such an appreciation for his character and being. I did not expect him to be someone I could have such fun with, and spend time with, and not get sick of his company. I didn’t expect to decide I want to spend the rest of my life with someone after such a short time. (Truthfully, since I am Jewish Orthodox, the way I date is in sync with Jewish values, which is to date with the premise of marriage, starting with the first date.) But mostly, I did not expect to be in a relationship with someone that wasn’t in the same relationship with me. I did not expect our expectations to be so different.
We were not on the same track, so I said goodbye.
I hope to find someone that will share all those expectations with me, and fulfill all the other not so minor details.
I hope that I will keep up the confidence in myself to believe that I am worth it, and that he will be worth the wait.