Purity Rings Go Mainstream

I'm not a big advocate of patting people on their backs for doing something that should be the "norm."  I've shared in front of large crowds my passion for purity in romance and my own story of why I'm saving sex until I get married.  These days, the announcement that you're an adult virgin can win you thunderous applause.   Too bad applause means nothing.  Anyone who's made it to their 20's with this testimony can vouch for the fact that human approval and accolades aren't enough to carry you through a perverse and sex-saturated society.  Remaining abstinent isn't about running around announcing our piety to the world. Purity requires a commitment to principle and personal conviction beyond just a whim or a notion.

Enter the "purity ring."

Purity rings have been around for awhile, but have gained popularity over the last couple of years.  The idea behind the ring is for those who wear one, it symbolizes a commitment to remain abstinent until marriage. No harm there.  I had a few friends in high school with purity rings, but at the time, I was too timid to wear something so bold.  I mean, did I really have to announce to everyone that I was a virgin?  Today it's a brave new world.  It seems there's an overwhelming need for the virgins to speak up.  In a recent New York Times article, Stephanie Rosenbloom discusses the trend towards public displays of abstinence.  She writes:

"THE thin silver band that 17-year-old Katie McMunn wears on her finger is a placeholder. Someday, she hopes, it will be replaced by a wedding ring. In the meantime it serves as a daily reminder of a vow she made three years ago to remain chaste until marriage.

"I want to give all of my body to my husband," Ms. McMunn said.

She was 14 when she first slipped on the silver band during a program promoting abstinence for teenagers, held in Pittsburgh. The three-hour event, called the Silver Ring Thing, featured music videos, comedians and speakers who introduced an idea Ms. McMunn had not considered: that somewhere out there, her as-yet-undiscovered husband was waiting for her. She was so moved she took her vow and borrowed $10 from a stranger to buy her ring.

Ms. McMunn is among tens of thousands of young people who in the past decade have taken a chastity vow until marriage and slipped on a ring to symbolize it. Chastity rings, part of the controversial abstinence-only movement in sex education, are becoming more mainstream. Also known as purity rings, they are being purchased by college students, members of church youth groups and abstinence organizations, and couples who are dating but abstaining. Some are acquired as part of programs like the Silver Ring Thing, others are bought independently."

According to the article, purity rings are now being offered by major retailers like Zales and Amazon.com.  I think it's great that major corporations are beginning to cater to the counter-culture.  By "counter-culture" I mean young women of principle who've decidedly placed a permanent moratorium on belly shirts and ultra low-rise jeans.  Despite the continued rise in ring sales, purity has yet to become "all the rage."

Purity rings are a great tool for talking to other people about abstinence and great personal reminders to all who wear them. I think it's great that major movements are being organized to motivate young people to make a pledge to abstain from sex.  It is my hope however, that we move beyond "motivation" and even the ring itself.  It's not a magic ring.  It doesn't hold any special preventative powers.  It won't stop you from kissing in a dark parked car with your boyfriend.  In fact, one day, the ring might even turn your finger green (that is, unless it's from Zales) and you have to take it off.  The commitment still remains.  Abstaining from sex until marriage takes much sacrifice and is ultimately about the decisions we make every day.

Someday I look forward to having a daughter of my own.  When she's of proper age and understanding, together with my husband, I will give her a purity ring.  Even more importantly, I will give her my experiences and practical principles to help her remain true to the promise the ring symbolizes and to remain humble in light the responsibility.

Comments

[Erin P]

Ambra,

Thank you for sharing - very interesting topic. Thank you also for pointing out "it's not a magic ring" and the true magic is exercised in the soul and day-to-day decisions of men and women who want to learn to love each other in a radical, opening, enduring way. Thank you for your personal witness. You have a beautiful vision.

[Lori]

Is it modest to wear a symbol of one's modesty? I think this ring publicly displays something that should be private.

A problem that the wearer will have is that she must either keep wearing the ring, or stop wearing it. If she breaks her vow, perhaps with great regret, she must announce it to all who can read the symbol. On the other hand, she may keep her vow well into her 30s. But that which is sweet for a 16-year-old girl doesn't always become a 30-year-old woman. So there is the matter of taking it off without replacing it with a wedding ring. She can tell the grossly curious that she has outgrown the purity ring, but not without inviting gossip.

[Jeannine K]

Ambra,

Great blog, and when you write, "Anyone who's made it to their 20's with this testimony can vouch for the fact that human approval and accolades aren't enough to carry you through a perverse and sex-saturated society. Remaining abstinent isn't about running around announcing our piety to the world. Purity requires a commitment to principle and personal conviction beyond just a whim or a notion."

That is so very very true! In the end, those of us who have made the choice have no diseases, no men on our list that "used us", we are not confused souls, and still so much Hope and understanding of true love. So many other women reach a point, having been tossed around and aside too many times, where they say, as one woman said to me, "in many ways I feel numb and I don't care". And that is the tragedy of sex-saturated society about which you, bravely, speak against. And you are not speaking against something, you are offering something so much more powerful!! The "other side" has nothing powerful to offer.

[Emily]

I myself can speak from personal experience from attending a silver ring thing event.
SRT is honest with teenagers. A lot of abstinence programs out there tell teenagers that "sex is bad before marriage!" but never give reasons why. SRT makes it clear that sex itself is NOT a bad thing, in fact, it's an amazing thing, but doing something like having sex out of wedlock can taint the wonder of it, and steal the passion from your relationship with your husband.

I agree with everything you say in your article, Ambra, and highly recommend Silver Ring Thing for teenagers to attend.

[Tamara]

I've found that large, gawky braces can be quite effective at perserving one's chastity :) (Hint for all you parents out there.)

[briana]

Is it right for a kid to have a purity ring as early as age twelve?

[Marisa]

I absolutely love your article. Purity is a beautiful thing, and it's amazing to see more and more people my age stepping forward to show that not all of us are obsessed with sex.

[Purity Rings]

I think it's great people wear em.

Suppose you have already had sex but want to make a re-commitment to abstinence can you still wear a ring?