Poor Selma

A few nights ago I saw the beautiful Selma Blair on the Jay Leno show. While I haven’t seen many of her movies, besides Legally Blonde, I have seen her in a number of women’s magazines being hailed as a great fashion diva. And to wit she was dressed tres haute couture. The first glimpse I had of her was one of those behind-the-scenes pre-commercial clips of the guest walking from their dressing room toward the stage area. She had on a dress of black shimmery material that had a low v-neck line but then, starting at the belt-line, it made a reverse v -- thus showing a great deal of leg and abdomen. It was, obviously, rather revealing but what was more revealing was the expression she wore. Her head hung low and she looked uncomfortable and ashamed. As the show broke for commercial I commented to my husband that she was clearly a very insecure person – but I had no idea just how insecure.

When the show came back and Ms. Blair came out on the stage we heard her express much of her insecurity as she explained her dress. She said, in an embarrassed tone, something to the effect of, Because I don’t have very big breasts I feel I need to show my legs to (and here I quote directly) "give people a reason to look at me." She then showed us how the dress exposed so much of her pelvic region that she had to put on black hot pants to make it remotely decent. It was very clear to me that she had some sense of modesty – she did put on those shorts after all – but at the same time, she felt that she had to wear something revealing to appear on the show.

For me the end result was not a sense of outrage at her indecency but truly a feeling of pity. Pity that such a beautiful and charming woman had to spend the majority of her air-time discussing her bodily shortcomings and explaining away her modesty. This left little time to actually get to know the real Selma Blair. But that is always the catch with immodesty: the more you show of your body the less people see of the real you.

Comments

[Nadine Ernst]

Re: your last statement, " ...the more you show of your body the less people see of the real you. "

THANK you for this! I have two daughters, ages 10 & 13-in-Jan. This is PERFECT for me as we begin the teen-age years and shopping for clothes.. and perfect for them to challenge their friends' challenges!

If ok with you, I'd like to send to their school, crediting you of course, suggesting they add this to their dress-code policy!

[sunnyday]

In a talk about fashion that I attended a few years ago, the speaker made a very simple but certainly very enlightening point that has stuck to me to this day: that the way a woman dresses is supposed to be guided by the desire for people to look at her face, because when people talk to you, they should look at your face and not your body.

Hence, when other women dress for the obvious purpose of making people look at some part of their body, I feel there is something wrong.

I do pity Selma Blair after reading this piece, but also I admire her for allowing other people to know about this insecurity of hers. She has a beautiful face; I wish western culture would stop with the obsession with the body. And I hope, too, that more people would take to heart that last line: "the more you show of your body, the less people see of the real you." That is so true.

Thank you for posting this wonderful piece, Alexandra!

[Merav Levy]

Well said! Fashion nowadays seems to have shifted the viewer's attention from the woman's face to captivating her audience by the curves of her body.

Unfortunately, girls are translating this attention as genuine interest in them. They lack the confidence in themselves to allow people to get to know them for who they are and rely on this external front to get the attention they crave.

Hence your last statement rings true, " ...the more you show of your body the less people see of the real you. "

But, why are our youth trying to hide themselves?

[Alexandra Foley]

A great question: "Why are our youth trying to hide themselves?" And why use such a revealing technique! I think that girls and women these days are extremely unsure of themselves. Culture tells us it's all about our exterior. That is why I really think that modesty always needs to be coupled with "a movement of the mind towards some excellence," as Aquinas puts it. If all kids are presented with is superficial reality then yeah, look sexy, get the attention. But if they are instead fed on ideas, great books, good models, then they will be less compelled to seek this kind of attention from the world.

To the mom shopping for her teenagers clothes (yes, by all means share this with your kids' school) please let me know if you find a good source for girls clothing. This is such a problem for everyone I know with girls from age 4 and up! Maybe we need a forum for modest clothing shops. Thanks for the comments.

[Lisa]

I saw this dress during the Jay Leno episode - it was the hottest and most elegant black cocktail dress I have EVER seen. I literally fell in love with it and I think you are misrepresenting the context of what she said. Selma Blair looked more beautiful that night then I have ever seen her.

[Marcianna]

keep up the good work!
;)