Keep the Tummies Out of Church

Yes, I admit it, I’m a bit of puritanical New Englander when it comes to dress.  I love that Americans are so sporty and casual, but I hate that so many always dress like slobs.  And far too often, scantily-dressed slobs at that.  When I was in high school way back in the  1970’s, mini-skirts and mini-dresses were in style.  I loved them and had a dress that was so short it actually had matching panties. But I was NOT allowed to wear minis to school or church.  The public school’s dress code forbade them, and the priests forbade them in church.  If the priests didn’t get you, the nuns would. But I could wear minis to parties or hanging out with friends.  As my mother said, “There’s a time and a place.”

In contrast to these social norms, on Easter Sunday 2005, the young woman in the pew in front of me was wearing low-slung pants with a belly-baring top.  Sadly, not only plumbers have plumber’s cracks these days.  I thought to myself, “You couldn’t cover up for church?  On Easter Sunday? Is that really asking too much?”

Sitting next to her was her mother, who was apparently OK with the daughter showing off her belly and backside.   I guess parents and priests are both afraid to say anything these days.  Maybe they don’t want to do anything that might discourage young people from coming to Church.  But it is God’s house, it’s a sacred space, and if one has respect for God and for everybody else at church,  one covers up one's belly.  You're there to worship, not to show off your abs or to distract others.  It's not about you, sweetie, it's about God.

I’d love to see the Catholic Church reclaim modesty as a virtue.  I heard about it a lot as a child - Mary the Mother of God was the very embodiment of modest beauty - but I haven't heard that message in a long time.   Catholics used to own that concept, but no more.  Which is too bad.  I bet many young women would be reassured and frankly relieved to get some Church support on this issue.      

Here's a photo of a sign posted at the Vatican about acceptable dress.  If only churches here in the U.S. would post this sign!  I know some priests are afraid that dress codes at church would turn away young people.  Hmmm, the Vatican doesn't have that problem.   

Comments

[SaveItForPlumbers]

Amen to that!! Women who imitate a plumber's rearview are just plain not attractive. But sadly for all of us who wince when we see it, there are a lot of girls who think they are displaying the height of fashion when their pants are falling down low enough to go the bathroom. Please girls, pull up your pants, and be classy instead, because you're making us all wince. "Brittany the Plumber" was never a fashion statement worth imitating!

[Alexandra Foley]

I could just say "ditto?" :)
A short story: A friend of mine was seated behind a young woman who had on white pants so low that it showed off 6 inches of her red thong. My friend was distracted, to say the least, but then distraction turned to horror as the girl got up and approached the sanctuary to be a Eucharistic Minister. My friend went to talk to the priest afterwards and he basically said that this saddens him but there is little he can do without being accused of harassment. (This was at a University -- Notre Dame, actually). I agree that the Church needs to "take back modesty" but in the meantime I think what my friend did was the best thing to do: she spoke to the girl herself and just said, "I find your pants inappropriate for Mass and especially if you're going to be a Eucharistic Minister." She said it in a kindly and charitable way without vitriol. Let charity be our lamp, right?

The other thing I want to say is that moms AND dads have got to be brave on this issue. You wouldn't let your kids go to Church in pjs -- so why let them go in lingerie? (And boys should be appropriately attired, too. No hats, baggy pants, etc etc). When I see these girls I usually think, "Where are their parents in this?"

[Liz Neville]

I am also saddened that the Church seems so desperate to get us in there, they'll take us in any crummy attire. It wasn't so long ago suits, hats and veils were de rigeur for the celebration of Mass. We could take a lesson from the grand old dames of Harlem, who still turn out in hats and finery, in respect for not only the Church but themselves and their fellow servicegoers.

[spudmomof6]

If your church is afraid to take a stand, you may like to know that one of our church leaders has made the following statement at a world conference in October:

"For you to fully claim Heavenly Father’s blessings and protection, we ask you to stay true to the standards of the gospel of Jesus Christ and not slavishly follow the whims of fads and fashions. The Church will never deny your moral agency regarding what you should wear and exactly how you should look. But the Church will always declare standards and will always teach principles. As Sister Susan Tanner taught this morning, one of those principles is modesty. In the gospel of Jesus Christ, modesty in appearance is always in fashion. Our standards are not socially negotiable.

The For the Strength of Youth pamphlet is very clear in its call for young women to avoid clothing that is too tight, too short, or improperly revealing in any manner, including bare midriffs. 6 Parents, please review this booklet with your children. Second only to your love, they need your limits. Young women, choose your clothing the way you would choose your friends—in both cases choose that which improves you and would give you confidence standing in the presence of God. 7 Good friends would never embarrass you, demean you, or exploit you. Neither should your clothing.

I make a special appeal regarding how young women might dress for Church services and Sabbath worship. We used to speak of “best dress” or “Sunday dress,” and maybe we should do so again. In any case, from ancient times to modern we have always been invited to present our best selves inside and out when entering the house of the Lord—and a dedicated LDS chapel is a “house of the Lord.” Our clothing or footwear need never be expensive, indeed should not be expensive, but neither should it appear that we are on our way to the beach. When we come to worship the God and Father of us all and to partake of the sacrament symbolizing the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we should be as comely and respectful, as dignified and appropriate as we can be. We should be recognizable in appearance as well as in behavior that we truly are disciples of Christ, that in a spirit of worship we are meek and lowly of heart, that we truly desire the Savior’s Spirit to be with us always."

Jeffrey R. Holland
former president of Brigham Young University

[AJ]

"I know some priests are afraid that dress codes at church would turn away young people. Hmmm, the Vatican doesn't have that problem."

That may very well be true. However, that does not seem to be a fair comparison. After all, there is only ONE Vatican. Churches have (at least three) factors that keep them from becoming fashionistas or conducting crackdowns:

1. Churches, however pretty (or homely) they may be, are not as rare as the Vatican. Remember, there is only ONE Vatican. If one of them decides to bar those who wear revealing attire, odds are others will accept you as you are. (That said, it is likely that you would be denied entrance to a [comedy] club if you refuse to be presentable...)

2. Churches, no matter how much they pay for ministers, would be hard pressed to find someone as charismatic as the Pope. Perhaps this analysis is incorrect, but methinks that kind of staying power is hard to find (even among rock stars.)

3. Churches, as has been suggested, probably have attendance issues. Somehow, I doubt bare midriffs have anything to do one way or the other with the levels of attendance. It is more likely an issue of relevance.

The last time I attended a place of worship with any regularity was about a decade ago. When people inquire, I ask them the same question: seeing that there is no authority figure that can MAKE me go, why should I go?

The boilerplate response usually boils down to "you'll go to hell if you don't", "Bible says, we should not forsake the assembly...", or something similar.

I returned (of my own volition) this past summer when a friend invited me to her church. It was so pleasant, I returned. It is a very small church, hardly puritanical (actually, if I recall correctly, some of them are fashion designers), but it does not seem that they have any "recruitment and retention" problems.

Bottom line, this is an issue of relevance. This is not about being "cool", "hip" or "trendy." This is more than just an issue of "what's in it for me?" It is about why I should invite the community into my life, without losing myself in the process.

[Mary O'Hayes]

AJ ,I returned to the Catholic church about 2 years ago after being away for decades. I never really had a beef with the church, I just felt that I didn't need an institution to have a relationship with God. Well, it turns out that I missed the worship service and being part of a religious community. Our church has lots of ministries and takes care of all sorts of people in need. I love going to Mass again, it's a beautiful ritual, it's one of the best parts of my week, it recharges my spiritual batteries, I get to sing, and I need it as an antidote to the greed and coarseness of our culture. Which is partly why it bothers me to see skimpy, revealing clothes in church. Must it be EVERYWHERE? Sigh. Anyway, I don't go because of any fear of burning in hell!

[ivan]

I do agree with you. I am from a church in Singapore, where Chinese are quite conservative. However the American trend is being caught on by our girls and they come baring their legs and assets. I am quite ashamed to know that girls dress this way in the house of the Lord. And don't they realize that they are a stumbling block to our brothers? They truely fail to see that man, by nature, are visual creatures. We can get stimulated by sight. But these girls do not understand. Thats right, churches , although they should not restrict how a person should dress, but make a stand on how you should treat yourself and the house of the Lord.

[Evelyn]

Hi Mary,
I couldn't agree more with your take on tummies and unmentionables in church. I think most teens do it out of ignorance, not having known the idea of Sunday best. My dad (I'm from Singapore), used to encourage us not to wear even jeans since we could at least once a week dress up a little for our God?

I don't reckon upping the dress standards will turn people away, if it's explained charitably. (Kudos to Alexandra's friend!) To lower standards would be to betray the truth about Christianity (blessed are the pure in heart) and about the human person (one's body is something intimate and personal).

I do also wish (and I believe that) the other churches in the Church will again reclaim this virtue. What we need are attractive good examples! =) And a movement back to modesty. It appears though that in the US the tide is turning... see www.ModestbyDesign.com.

Personally i think it's not enough to wear something else outside and not in Church, since God is everywhere and what's wrong in Church would be equally 'distracting' to the opposite sex outside of Church. What's really needed is for young people to understand the value of their bodies and why they should guard their own intimacy...

Let's help our youth reclaim themselves from the dictatorship of empty-headed, stupid fashion... (If i sound passionate about this, it's only coz I've been burned myself in my silly teens... then i realised i was much happier and more self-confident in clothes in which I didn't have to worry about whether I looked fat because they were too tight or be self-conscious because perhaps the neckline was too low)...

[Rhonda]

Thank you for broaching this subject. I can tell you that it's not just the Catholic Church that is struggling with this issue. If I have to witness one more of our married Baptist men doing a double-take or staring at a teenager's backside, I think I'll be ill. Cleavage at both ends and belly buttons have become de rigeur. I've thought about starting a sweater outreach for the women at our church who seem to be unable to afford enough cloth to cover the t's and a's adequately. And it's not just the younguns. One 50+ year old called to mind an old phrase...two pigs fighting under a blanket...with a skin-tight white pant suit.

My dad is a Pentecostal pastor and laments this state of affairs. He told me that if he even approaches the topic of modesty in the most sincere and kind way, he is lambasted by...THE PARENTS!!! He says he loves the return of cold weather because then they have to cover up.

As a parent of three daughters, I'm more than willing to say, "No way," and back it up with consequences. Parents need to get a backbone and realize that their daughters are not being served by failing to set high standards.