Clothing and the Humanity of the Superfluous

What differentiates human beings from animals? This is one of the central questions of King Lear, which I am now teaching to high school students. In the play, through the motif of clothing, Shakespeare explores what it means to be human. 

When two of the king's daughters, who plot to kill their father, attempt to take away the king's entourage, they rhetorically ask him why he needs so many knights. Lear responds,  "O reason no the need! Our basest beggars / Are in the poorest thing superfluous." Lear sees that our humanity depends on superfluity; even a beggar, who owns and can afford little, will wear or carry something "superfluous," a thing he or she does not "need." Lear goes on to suggest that not acknowledging this fact leads one to view "[M]an's life as cheap as beast's."

He tells one of his daughters: "Thou art a lady: / If only to go warm were gorgeous, / Why, nature needs not what thou gorgeous wear'st, / Which scarcely keeps thee warm." Lear points out that his daughter's royal clothing, as unnecessary as his many knights, reflects her dignity as a lady.

Later, when the daughters shut the doors on their father, leaving him out in the storm to perish and go mad, the king begins to spout wisdom in the midst of his madness; he embraces a concept diametrically opposed to his earlier epiphany regarding clothing. An eighty year old king--flawed, driven out by his daughters, and standing on the heath amidst the rain and wind, thunder and lightning--cries out that an uncivilized and unclothed man is "the thing itself," meaning: he is genuine and more authentic than the "sophisticated" man who dresses according to societal norms.  He proceeds to tear off his shirt. His attendants stop him from taking off his clothes, but he is realizing here that dignified dress does NOT necessarily reflect the integrity of a person--he learns this through a painful insight: he sees how his "noble" daughters, who dress in royal clothing, are actually ignoble inside; in fact, they are evil, plotting murder, treason, and torture.

Lear captures the hypocrisy of civilized dress with the following words: "Through tattered clothing small vices do appear / Robes and furred gowns hide all." One notices or projects small misdeeds in a person poorly dressed, but royal or fancy clothing hides a person's nature, and we tend to not see the truth behind the beautiful clothing, which distracts us from the person's character.

This dichotomy--the tension between the dignity of clothing and the treachery of clothing--is resolved towards the end of the play when Cordelia, Lear's third daughter (honest, loyal, loving), saves him from the storm and attempts to bring him back to health and sanity. What is the first thing Cordelia does to make sure her father is restored to health? She has the king dressed in royal clothing. This careful concern for dress and the proper clothing for her father resolves Lear's earlier opposing ideas.

Ideally, dignity in dress does not necessarily represent hypocrisy; rather, our apparel grounds us in our identity and keeps us sane. One can marry the outer and the inner with integrity. The superfluity of clothing clarifies one's identity. Without the superfluous, we are abandoned royalty: wronged, unprotected, and out in a storm, a storm that is blind to who is human and who is beast.

Too many masks.

I remember, when I started wearing modest clothes on a regular basis, one of the things I noticed was the number of women who glared at me when I was doing totally normal things, like sitting on the bus, or walking down the street.  Don't mistake me - when I say they glared at me, I mean GLARED.  If looks could kill, I would be a smear on the wall.  I always wondered why, and finally settled on the opinion that it was simply because I looked different to them, and to the other women around me.

It seems as good an explanation as any, doesn't it?  It could even be backed up by science, if you wanted it put another way.  There is an instinct in the brain that makes us fear things that are different or unusual.  It probably came in quite handy back in the day ;)

However, the other day I was reading (a fashion magazine, ironically enough) and the author of the piece (to paraphrase) mentioned that women felt compelled to be who they were not, to put a mask on and pretend that they were comfortable with who they were and so on.  I doubt that she intended for her words to be interpreted this way, but the thought crossed my mind - maybe these women glare at me because I do not pretend to be comfortable in the modern fashions?  Perhaps they wish they could dress in what them comfortable, instead of what society dictated they should wear. 

People are always telling me that women choose to dress the way they do.  I must disagree, and not just on the grounds that, as Wendy puts it, 'people wear what they can find'.

I've read several articles in magazines lately that carry the common thread I mentioned above, that of women wanting to be more than what they appear to be.  Should we view this as a sign of hope for the modesty movement?  Perhaps women are finally getting tired of always wearing a mask.

Blush Away

I have a little sister. She's sweet, funny, bright, ambitious, clever, and has these incredibly long, lush eyelashes that make me wonder how I missed out on that end of the gene pool. She got into the top choir at school in her freshman year, reads more than anyone I know, and is constantly at work on 2 or 3 novels at a time.

She is also 15, which means she gets embarrassed easily and, as a keen blusher, regularly. She's perfectly confident singing in front of crowds, or having people edit her writing, but if she has to talk to a boy or receives a compliment, her cheeks pink up and suddenly, she's tongue-tied, which of course makes her even more embarrassed.

Naturally, she hates it, and naturally, I think it's adorable. That's not to say I haven't had my fair share of I"m-so-mortified-I-want-to-crawl-into-a-cave-and-disappear-forever moments, but the big sister perspective has given me a more friendly view to embarrassment in general.

This much-maligned attribute of modesty is actually a wonderful part of being a human, especially, I think, a young woman. It's a part of us that may be discouraging at times, but signals, as Wendy mentioned in A Return to Modesty, that something important is happening to us. When we're ashamed, when we blush, it means we're feeling something! We're feeling the need to protect something; our dignity, self-image, virtue, or even our elbows. To me, that's what modesty is about-- having something you believe is worth protecting, and embarrassment may be your best friend on the protection front.

So the next time you're feeling embarrassed, cheer up! It's part of being a person, modest or otherwise. And remember, your big sister, your mom, or I, still think you're great.

Is This Really the "Kid's Choice"?

At the beginning of the month my 11-year-old daughter wanted to watch her favorite celebrities perform on Nickelodeon's Kid's Choice Awards, an annual mash-up of pop fluff and green slime courtesy of the marketing people at Viacom. She happened to mention that, in addition to sweet young things such as Miley Cyrus, iCarly's Miranda Cosgrove and the squeaky clean Jonas Brothers, the "puddytat dolls" would be performing. This sort of glanced off my consciousness, and I briefly imagined that it was some send-up of the famous Warner Bros. cartoon characters Sylvester and Tweety.

Alas, no. The "dolls" in question were indeed the PussyCat Dolls, the rotating cast of marginally-talented burlesque dancers, fronted by a publicity-philic "singer". They're a pretty big-selling act. Having recently finished up their-- no-doubt ironically-named-- "World Domination Tour", they are currently filling out the roster for Britney Spears'"Circus" excursion. They've also been nominated for (and in some cases won) a slew of self-admiring prizes like the MTV and Billboard Music Awards. So they've been around for a while but appear to be gaining steam right now. They've got a multi-front assault on the culture, selling everything from concert tickets to lingerie to hot pink t-shirts that proclaim "When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be a PussyCat Doll".

But gee, don't they seem an odd choice for the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Award Show? Not only were the Dolls performing, they were nominated for an award in the Favorite Group Category. Really. So I thought I'd investigate a little further.

Here I was treated to a taste of their superbly lyrical and elegiac prose; to wit: From "Whatchamacallit", a celebration of mindless consumption:

"Caught him eying my chain, he said it’s so unique He trying to get with me, so his chick can get like me I said, even the time on my hand cost me an arm and a leg Can't find this in the States, had it flown in from Madrid (Hoo, hoo) He wanna know who does my hair, clientele is so elite I'm in love with his technique, he keeps me sheik, they call him (Uh, uh, uh, uh, hoo) The contact is under wraps, matter fact, he's unavailable (Uh, uh, uh, uh, hoo) Don't need the traffic, backed up, when I go back to get my pretty on"

OK, let's try again. How about a paean to true love in "Don't Cha":

"I know you like me I know you do That's why whenever I come around She's all over you I know you want it It's easy to see And in the back of your mind I know you should be f*****g me Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me Don't cha, don't cha Don't cha wish your girlfriend was wrong like me Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me Don't cha, don't cha"

 There's much more, but-- you get the picture. Well, maybe Nickelodeon thinks these are the feminist role models we want for our daughters. They did say 90 million votes were cast for this award show-- though they didn't break down exactly how many voters that represented. But curiously, when I checked the website that Nick has specifically dedicated to the Kid's Choice Awards, NOWHERE does it mention anything to do with the Dolls' nomination or their two performances. Not a word. For these very well-promoted performers, this is more than a little odd.

I did notice that their costumes were a trifle toned down for this venue-- the Dolls looked more "sporty/sleazy" than the usual platformed stripper look. But isn't that part of the problem here? Why are these women being slipped in under the radar on a kids' programming awards show? Well, here's a theory. Nick is part of the Viacom conglomerate that also owns MTV, VH1 et al. In other words, they are part of the marketing group that has been dining out on sleaze and self-promoting fame lovers for quite some time. You could say they are perfecting the art. And in this case, they are cuing up the next generation of consumers for this junk.

I had a similar reaction years ago when Sesame Street featured Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the safe and bland "sexpert" known for her ringing endorsement of "Good Sex!"-- her tagline. Were the kiddies so enamored of her beaming visage and Teutonic tones that they clamored to see her yukking it up with Elmo? Doubt it. Say what you will about her approach, she did have a certain utilitarian perspective on sex, which really didn't reflect a religious or moral view. But it fit right in with the progressive sensibilities of the Sesame Street producers, whose motto seems to be "Tolerance Above All". Adults could take her or leave her as they chose. But by putting Dr. Ruth on Sesame Street and serving her up with the same pabulum, it ensures that as those kids grow, they react to her with the same unquestioned acceptance and admiration as they do the rest of the Street's characters. The same principal appears to be at work here with the "Kids Choice" awards.

Does anyone else object to this?

"The examples of vice at home corrupt us more quickly and easily than others, since they steal into our minds under the highest authority." -- Juvenal c.55-c.130, Roman Satirical Poet

Are tween girls setting new clothing trend?

A recent article from trend Trend Central suggests tweens are becoming "modest but not mousey".  This was suggested on the heels of the new Miley Cyrus movie where moms and daughters headed out to see one the most popular teens.  What Trend Central says surpised them is the modest outfits in the movie. 

The article continues by saying that tweens don't just want to dress like Britney anymore and companies should start paying attention to this trend.  They suggest companies like Splendid and Ella Moss Girl are already following suit and giving girls more options to be stylish but modest. It will be interesting to see if this trend sticks. 

Don't Forget to Say "Thank You!"

I love having the door opened for me.

Whenever a man opens a door for me, or even waits two seconds longer to hold the door so that I can enter, it makes me feel special. It doesn't matter if the guy is a friend or a stranger, an obvious gentleman or... less so, but the message communicated to me is clear: "You're a lady, and I'm a guy. That's a door, so I should open it for you."

Which leads to my point. When a man opens a door for you, never, ever, forget to give a friendly "Thank you!" It certainly was a bizarre movement of women who decided that they should snarl and snatch the doorknobs out of men's grasps before they got a chance to perform their honorable duty of door-opening. As a result, many guys today are under the false impression that all women are like this.

As ladies, we have the responsibility to encourage males to earn back their roles as knights and gentlemen. We are not to hit them over the heads with our mission statement. But we are to smile and behave graciously whenever some guy, who may believe he's risking life and limb by this action, does an uncommon act of chivalry for us.

Spring has Sprung

It's spring and I don't know about you, but I'm ready to buy a few new duds.  So I thought we could put the theoretical discussion of modesty on hold for a spot and get down to the practical -- where to buy!  Here are a few links to some nice sites that have some modest clothes for women and girls. 

Shabby Apple
Revamp
Layers
Christa Taylor  

I know these things are rather subjective, so feel free to post whatever you consider modest -- we won't judge. 

Happy Spring!

Honor: Another Scarce Virtue

Hi, I'm Gila, and I am so happy to have the chance to be a part of this community. I aim to incorporate modesty and internality in my dress, my walk, my talk and my soul, every day. I love filtering through the mystery of the current culture to find the diamonds of truth.  My first idea I want to share relates to the connection between modesty and another scarce virtue: honor.  

When I was studying in Israel, I came to a school where things were quite different than what I was used to. One thing that everyone did, and we quickly learned by watching our peers, was to stand as a teacher came into the room (unless a teacher was already speaking). It was to give honor and recognition to how much they accomplished in their Torah studies, in the world and especially in their personal lives. Honoring one another in general was a main aspect of our learning, a trait we all aimed for.  Yet, there was one teacher who was well known to run into the class quickly so as not to be spotted while the last teacher was still packing up, just so we wouldn’t have a chance to stand for him.

If you knew this teacher, you would understand it was an act of humility, not an act. We constantly asked him why he would do this and he said he wasn’t accomplished enough (he was) or that he wasn’t a big enough scholar (he was big enough) and that he didn’t need the honor, he didn’t deserve it. We didn’t know what to say but it still bugged me and I finally understood why. I realized that our standing was not, if ever, for the teacher him/herself. It was for us. We needed to learn to honor. It is our job to learn to recognize and appreciate greatness in others. 

This generation is so used to disregarding the pain and toil of our parents, our teachers, those who put forth an effort for our sakes and sacrifice for others, that we rarely say thank you and truly honor those we should stand up for. Do we toast? Do we recognize? What do we honor other than our basest desires?

Thankfully, I never had to confront the teacher with this revelation because soon enough, the head of the school did so.

What got me thinking about this recently was hearing about President Obama wearing jeans. What does that have to do with honor? Now, I like to think that he, like all of us, wants to be comfortable in what he wears but there is something about being President that makes some people flinch when they hear he is wearing jeans in public. I think that President is a role we would like to say we give honor to, perhaps the last (and we all know how little honor presidents receive nowadays). We expect President Obama to look like a president. But, more than that should be his concern for honor that he gives the job of leading our country, of being in the position of a major world leader.

Just like our grandmothers who wouldn’t dare walk out of the house without gloves or face powder or our grandfathers wouldn’t be caught dead without a hat in public.

I don’t blame President Obama since honor is going down the tubes in America and he too is a product of that, he just proves the point that this is a trait we all have to work on.

Jessica Rey, the Modest Power Ranger

Jessica Rey is the Hollywood actress who's the White Power Ranger on “Disney’s Power Rangers: Wild Force.”   Jessica travels around the country giving talks about modesty and chastity to young people.  She says that parents and even religious educators often shy away from dealing with the real issues that young people face.  Since she's young and is living the modest/chaste life (in contradiction to Hollywood culture, to say nothing of the wider secular culture), she's got a high believability rating with young people.  More power to her! 

You can listen to her interview with The Christophers (a NY-based Maryknoll group) here or read about the interview here.  Jessica has also designed a modest swimsuit line, based on Audrey Hepburn characters.  Yes, Audrey Hepburn is the very model of modesty and classic, elegant beauty, isn't she?  Jessica's swimsuit website has this to say about Hepburn:

"Audrey Hepburn was a woman whose classic style has transcended time and continues to influence fashion today.  She lived during an era when women dressed and acted like ladies- when women didn't feel they had to 'bare it all' to be attractive. "

How can I get Jessica to talk to the young ladies in our local church??

Wardrobe Adjustment No More

I have to say that I’ve had a pleasant surprise lately.  After reading Wendy’s books, I decided to take a good hard look at my closet of clothes.  Now, mind you, I’m a mother of three kids and by no means do I dress immodestly.  That being said, after a good bit of thinking and pondering, I decided to place my clothes into two categories: the Modest Category and the Borderline category.  In the latter category, I placed all of the shirts and dresses that weren’t “technically” by today’s standards immodest, but DID make me feel uncomfortable when I wore them.

So, I’m staring at this pile of what I’ll call slightly immodest clothing, and I’m thinking about what I’m trying to accomplish by wearing a shirt that I’m constantly having to jerk upwards and downwards simultaneously.  This is no small feat, let me tell you.  Wardrobe adjustment is such a tricky thing and it takes such a large amount of mental energy and finesse to make it look like a graceful part of the conversation.  What, I pondered, would I think of wearing clothes that did not require that I assume the “pledge of allegiance” position every time I move?

Hmmm…..well THERE’S a novel thought.  Why haven’t I considered this before? 

I’ve made my decision.  If modesty is the newest fad, I want in and I don’t ever want out.  I cheerily announce this fact to my husband.  He raises one eyebrow and looks worried.  I suspect that the main worry is not that he’ll be seeing less of me, but that he’ll be seeing less of his money when my wardrobe gets a modesty overhaul.

Some intense shopping and ten shirts later, I have successfully accomplished my modesty goals.  Overwhelmed by (modest) joy I happily ditch my low v-neck shirts and model my new “look” for my hubby.  He is relieved on so many levels.  Especially since I didn’t revert to Little House on The Prairie styles and I am fully able to still look trendy and feminine while being modest at the same time.

Now for the much anticipated surprise!  Are you ready?  I am a thousand times more comfortable in social situations!  I actually feel freer in both mind and body.  When I am not constantly fidgeting or worrying about my clothes, I am so much more inclined to participate in witty repertoire or the more serious discussions of politics, spirituality, love and life.

Now isn’t that amazing?  Who’d have thought that a simple neckline change could have the power to do that?